Smart Car
by Doug Hawley
31: Christmas Eve 2091
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Sheila asked Duke “What
are we doing for Christmas this year?”
“We are going with the cars tonight to the
Portland International Raceway for the Christmas
Eve Car Show.”
“Are our cars involved?”
“You bet. They said prepare to be
impressed.”
Later at the show
Duke read from the program “First up we have
some variety acts.”
The first one was a 1200 horsepower Chevrolet
beating an 1100 horsepower Ford in a tug of war. The
Chevrolet celebrated with its overpowering siren.
Next a team of acrobatic Mercedes ran three
abreast on two tires, a Dodge ran on its back
wheels for a mile, and three Lucids wove down the
track at high speed only inches apart.
While the crew set up the track for more car
stunts, a vintage Volvo recited “The Night
Before Christmas” with cars substituting for
people.
The crowd whooped and hollered as the star of the
show, Sheila’s Deuce entered the track. It
proceeded to blow everyone away, flying over
busses and other obstacles, cutting cookies in
tight circles, and drifting within inches of the
guardrails.
The same Volvo then introduced “Our cast
will now sing and dance for you.”
The cars, including Sheila’s Josie and Duke’s
Carl joined several other cars on the track. Before
singing the cars went through some intricate
maneuvers while circling the track, then opened
with the crowd favorite “Christmas On The
Willamette” soloed by Josie, followed by
some oldies “Rocking Around The Track”,
“Honking Reindeer”, “The Twelve
Cars Of Christmas”, “We Three Sedans”,
“Winter Wonder Track”, “I Saw
Mommy Blanking Santa Claus”,
and “Santa Ate Tacos”. The
last featured a Carl solo of belches and farts,
bringing down the crowd.
All the featured cars lit their Christmas lights
and concluded the show by slowly circling the
track. A thrilled crowd slowly exited.
Back at home Sheila asked, “Can Christmas
day top that?”
“No way, Christmas will be great, but it can’t
top that show. I’m really
impressed by what our cars did. Sweet
dreams, moonbeam.”
“All right, sunlight.”
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