The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

part 2
by Will Nuessle

return to part 1
return to start of story

Welcome back, soldier. You’ve successfully completed your first five missions, but don’t get cocky! It gets worse from here…

Mission Six: Field-stripping

Having slept through the night, Charlie will awaken at 0500. Either Alpha or Bravo[1] will rise with Charlie and change him on a picnic table. This mission is considered a fail if any fellow campers are awakened, if Charlie acquires a splinter, or if Charlie’s niece/nephews (who have been up since 0430) hear any swear words they did not previously know. There will be no diaper wipes in the diaper bag; a substitute must be found. Not wiping Charlie will be considered a mission fail.[2]

Mission Seven: Replenishment Hell

Having discovered that Charlie has stayed on the bottle well over its scheduled departure time, Team BABY will now feed the youngest member without giving him a bottle of any kind. Taking nourishment from a sippy cup is not repeat NOT necessary for mission success. There is no time-limit for this mission. Mission will be considered a fail if either Alpha or Bravo give in and hand the child a bottle, if the screaming causes Team BABY to be thrown out of camp, or if either Alpha or Bravo lose their God-fearing minds.

Mission Eight: All-terrain Excursion

Team BABY must row out onto the lake as a unit for at least fifteen minutes. All members must wear proper safety attire. Mission will be considered a fail if any member falls into the lake. Mission will be considered a fail if any member is thrown into the lake. Mission will not be considered a fail if none of the members speak to each other for the duration.

At this time, Grandparents and/or extended family members of Team BABY may be called upon for assistance in watching/playing with Charlie. Alpha and Bravo are allowed to sleep. Team BABY will reconvene at Mess Hall by 0630 for Replenishment. SEE Mission Seven

[1] Trust me, it was Alpha
[2] I used the previous diaper. MacGyver would be proud

go to part 3