Red-carded
by Amit
Parmessur
For me, the love
business has always been like some kind of
football match. You know a few years ago, when I
happened to fall in love with someone, I was
about to kick off the match – that is to
confess my love – when someone stole the
ball. Both ball and thief disappeared into thin
air. I grew thinner in despair.
Then the next
match I played I was like a team with 10 strikers,
thinking I would bag a bunch of goals. In the end
I could manage only an own goal.
I didn’t
despair after these two defeats.
But love started
turning more and more into a football match. Many
times in love you think you have the goal that
will guarantee your victory only to find that the
linesman has his flag up. And why is it that each
time you think you are about to win the game
you’re substituted at that very moment? The
coach of love – Seņor Amor if you play in
La Liga, Mr Cupid if you are in the Premier
League or Monsieur Cupidon if you play your
football in France – substitutes you and you
never understand what the other player has more
than you.
They say,
everything is fair in love and in war. Beware.
Love is that football match where even the
referee can score a goal against you. Obviously,
being so clumsy and with no talent, I’ve
long been given my marching orders from the
stadium of love. This certainly does not mean
that I am useless*. Rather, I have some priceless
information for everyone.
First, when you
feel you need a rest, do take a break.
“Distance brings closeness,” says my
father, so correctly. Love surely needs several
half-times. Or you know, when the ground is
slippery, better postpone the match. These are
two pieces of advice that will prevent you from a
heart injury that can prematurely terminate your
love career.
Even if you
haven’t admired my advice, let me continue.
Always revise your tactics. Go about simple. No
need for backheels, dribbling or bicycle kicks.
And always know the trick to score a hat-trick.
Also, know all the rules of the game to rule. You
should learn how to tackle, to keep others at bay
and protect your goal. Be ever ready to do some
good and clean defending to avoid the cards.
Finally do not get
injured during injury time. Injury time does not
mean the time to get injured. It hurts when you
are so close to victory in the match of love and
have to be evacuated on a stretcher.
For all my defeats
and red cards in this war of love I’m sure
of one thing. After my suspension and long lay-off,
one day I will come back and score one of the
most fabulous and fairest of goals at the World
Cup itself. And that too ā la Diego Armando
Maradona. Beware. I’m doing severe everyday
training.
*of no importance
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