Puppy Island
by Michael A. Kechula
Harold lived
on a Pacific island. He and everyone who lived
there thought they were puppies, because their
homeland was named Puppy Island.
Puppy
Islanders were always depressed. Everyday
they’d ask, “Why do we always feel so
miserable?”
Nobody knew
the answer.
One day when
Harold was walking on the beach, some scientists
came ashore. They asked him to take them to the
King.
King Puppy was
amazed to see other living things, who
weren’t puppies. “From whence have you
come?”
“America.”
“Where’s
that?”
“Far away.”
“How did
you get here?”
“By
aircraft carrier.”
This led to a
long conversation in which the scientists
informed the King that he and his subjects
weren’t puppies.
“Nonsense!
Prove it!”
“Okay,”
said the scientists. “We’ll conduct a
test.”
The scientists
asked to be taken to the island’s highest
hill. They had all Puppy Islanders gather at the
bottom. Then the scientists threw 10,000 Frisbees
from the hill top. All sailed through the air and
fell to the ground.
“If you
were puppies,” said a scientist, “you
would’ve chased and caught the Frisbees
before they landed and returned them to us. But
none of you did. The only things on Earth that
don’t chase Frisbees are giant cockroaches.
Therefore, you and your subjects are giant
cockroaches.”
Though
astonished, everyone believed the scientists.
“We know
that giant cockroaches are always depressed,”
a scientist said. “We invented something to
fix that: thermonuclear Happy Bombs. Let us
explode one over your island, and you’ll all
laugh madly.”
The King
agreed. He chose Harold to pull the string that
would detonate the bomb, as it floated overhead
in a hot air balloon.
When Harold
pulled the string, Islanders were dumbfounded by
the brilliant flash, horrific noise, and colorful,
mushroom cloud.
Suddenly,
everyone started laughing. Their laughter lasted
for six months. Then they felt terribly depressed
again.
Harold said to
King Puppy, “If you build boats and give me
1,000 helpers, we’ll row to America and
steal their Happy Bombs. Then we’ll be able
to laugh again.”
“Brilliant
idea!” said the King.
Harold and his
helpers men went to America, stole all the Happy
Bombs, and arrived home safely. Next day, Harold
detonated another bomb over the island. This time,
Puppy Islanders laughed for a year.
Harold said to
the King, “Now that we know how to create
and sustain happiness, we can eliminate sadness
throughout the world forever by exploding our
Happy Bombs over every nation. If you do this,
you’ll be beloved by all Earth’s
inhabitants.”
The King
approved Harold’s plan. He also approved
Harold’s idea of changing the island’s
name to Ha-Ha Island.
Harold placed
balloons containing Happy Bombs over every nation
on Earth.
To celebrate
the King’s birthday, Harold gave him a very,
very long string that was connected to all the
bombs.
“Happy
Birthday,” his subjects cried, as the King
pulled the string.
And that is
why everyone on Earth is always so happy, the
word depression has disappeared from dictionaries,
and so many nations have thermonuclear bombs.
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