Osmo's Bells
by Jerry Schatz
Osmo of Borgge,
court jester to Baron Tirphiph of Fhumfh,
attached bells to the points of his jester's cap
in 1356. This, so to speak, was the jingle heard
'round the world. Until that time mozzarella
cheese balls universally decorated jesters' caps.
The notorious
Rats of Fhumfh had gorged themselves on Osmo's
cheese decorations. That had necessitated his
replacing them almost daily. Osmo was not a
wealthy foole -- the Baron was known as something
of a pinchpfennig -- so the jester's invention of
the belled cap was driven by his need to stay
solvent.
Worldwide,
sturdy bells quickly superseded decomposable, and
edible, cheese balls as jesters' preferred cap
ornaments.
Not everyone
was happy with this development. Out of blind
frustration, water buffalo-, goat-, and cattle-herders,
having lost an important market for milk, took to
beating their animals with sticks while shouting,
"Osmo!" at them.
The cattle, in
particular, were enraged by this degrading and
painful behavior by their keepers. Cows and bulls
crossed continents in a mass exodus to India.
There, it's
said, they were treated much better.
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