Misinterpretation
by Michael A. Kechula
Disgusted with
life, Ed went to a T-shirt shop and had them make
one with very large letters that glowed in the
dark. It said: PLEASE ABDUCT ME.
That night, he
put on the shirt, climbed his roof, laid on his
back, and waited for Martians to whisk him away.
But nothing happened. That didn’t stop Ed
from repeating his actions night after night.
Ed’s next-door
neighbor, Harry, heard about this. Harry thought
Ed’s abduction by anybody was a good idea,
considering what an obnoxious bastard he was. So,
Harry went to the same shop and had them make him
T-shirt with even larger letters that read:
PLEASE ABDUCT. However his shirt included a big
arrow that pointed to the right.
Harry put on
his new T-shirt, went on his roof and lay down,
making sure the arrow pointed to Ed’s house.
He could see Ed’s T-shirt glowing in the
dark.
When nothing
happed, Harry began to beseech the god of the
Martians to grant his neighbor’s wish to be
abducted. He reminded the Martian deity what a
pain in the ass Ed was, and how great life would
be without him.
He figured his
prayer had been answered when a flying saucer
zoomed toward his house. It hovered for a few
seconds over Harry’s roof, while the
craft’s commander read the message on his
glowing T-Shirt. Seconds later, Harry was
abducted.
Heading toward Mars,
Harry asked the saucer’s commander what the
hell was going on.
“Aren’t
you wearing a T-shirt that says please abduct?”
“You
weren’t supposed to abduct me. Didn’t
you see the arrow pointing to my neighbor’s
house?”
“What’s
an arrow?” asked the commander.
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