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Keyboard Licence Test
by Amit Parmessur

Last March as Boob— ooops* Bob had finished his tedious university studies he sent a few lazy letters of application upon the behest of his miserly father.

It had to happen: he’s called for a very peculiar test a few days after. A Keyboard Licence Test. Yes you’ve read it right. A Keyboard Licence Test from an IT company. Of course in university he’d more time for his keyboard keys than for the pages of his books.

What is the colour of the sky? The answer is too easy**. That’s how the test was for Bob. Many prospective candidates for the job were sweating profusely and Bob could only laugh profusely at them and devoured the questions as delicious Mars chocolates. Here is a copy of the questionnaire and Bob’s utterly intelligent answers.

Q1:  What is the key on the keyboard that tragically reminds us we are mortals?
Ans: End.

Q2:  Which key tells you which alphabet has the longest tail?
Ans: @

Q3:  What key should never corrupt your mind if you’re employed by our company?
Ans: Pause Break.

Q4:  What is the fastest key?
Ans: F1, for Formula 1.

Q5:  What is the astronaut’s favourite key on the keyboard?
Ans: The space bar.

Q6:  What is the key usually associated to sim cards?
Ans: Insert.

Q7:  What are the keys used to represent bald gents on toilet doors?
Ans: O as head, [] for neck and belly, / \ for hands and || for legs.

Q8:  What is a sadistic prisoner’s favourite key?
Ans: Escape.

Q9: Which key is supposed to remind you of the famous Obelix?
Ans: *

Q10: What’s the keyboard version of ‘destiny’?
Ans: F8.

Q11: What is a caged but pampered bird’s most hated key?
Ans: Escape.

Q12: What are the 3 consecutive keys for the French definition of a Casanova?
Ans: SDF (Sans Demoiselle Fixe).

Q13: Which key would enrage a boy who’s sweetly fallen in love with the next door girl?
Ans: Shift

Q14: What is the key loved most by first aiders on the keyboard?
Ans: +

Q15: What are the keys that tell us that there are 2 types of inflated footballs?
Ans: O ()

Q16: The key about what Picsou (or Pic$ou) cannot do when he sees money?
Ans: Control.

Q17: The most courteous key that pays respect to people and towns?
Ans: Caps Lock.

Q18: The 2 keys a traffic policeman shouldn’t use for the safety of road users.
Ans: Up & Down Arrow Keys.

Q19:  The key that is envied by a homeless drunkard.
Ans: Home.

Q20: Which keys indicate how you should always feel when the company hands you your monthly salary, no matter how little.
Ans: :-)

Bob was proudly and duly employed, being awarded 19 over 20. He couldn’t understand, however, which answer was wrong and what type of job was expected of him and his expert computer skills.

*  interjection showing I made a mistake or slipped unintentionally
** not difficult