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Writers' Showcase

Hottest Job Opportunities
by Amit Parmessur

1. Monitoring the traffic in desolate places.

Age limit: 20-30

Qualifications: Degree in body language

Requirements: Patience. Experience in living alone. Applicants preferably male and muscular. Athletic prowess in case of danger. Should be handsome, not to appear like an escaped blood-thirsty monkey to road users. Friendly outlook if not handsome. Honest.


2. DJ in funerals.

Age limit: 25-40

Qualifications: A degree in music (and sociology if possible)

Requirements: Applicants should be fit lest they end up accompanying the deceased. Should have known what the loss of a loved one means. Motherly heart recommended for male candidates. Ability to turn tears into laughter. Dry eyes.


3. Sieving sand on our public beaches.

Age limit: 18-

Qualifications: Flexible

Requirements: Very sharp eyes and refined knowledge of sand and sea creatures. Generous biceps and triceps. Ability to work in partnership. Applicants judged too old to undergo eye test.


4. Watering vast watercress cultivations thrice a day.

Age limit: 20-60

Qualifications: Degree or diploma in agriculture

Requirements: Admirer (but not eater) of watercress. Sound knowledge of the contours of the water-can and pipes. Allergic to aphids, snakes, the diamondback moth and white butterflies. Good timing.


5. Gluing fallen leaves back onto forest tress.

Age limit: 20-25

Qualifications: Degree in forestry

Requirements: Animal friendly. Good climbing skills and agility. Perfect equilibrium. A very sound knowledge of the problems facing our environment. And an unbending urge and love to save and embellish our fauna and flora. Applicants should be already insured.


6. Counting the number of fish in the Indian Ocean.

Age limit: 18-25

Qualifications: Diploma in diving.

Requirements: Applicants should live in coastal regions or should move and settle by the coast if selected. Only one test to undergo: successful candidates would be those who don’t show least emotion or fear while watching Les Dents de la Mer 1-2-3 with us. 4 too will be watched if needed.


7. Cleaning tyres of airplanes with shoe polish.

Age limit: 40-65

Qualifications: Course in shoe polishing

Requirements: Resistant to fuel. A strong love for planes. An awareness of the nuances of black polish. Dwarfs stand a better chance, with the lower part of the tyres easily accessible to them. Shoemakers wishing to have a rise in pay will be favoured. Dwarf shoemakers can celebrate in advance.


8. Maintaining the deserts.

Age limit: open to any adult

Qualifications: Degree in maintenance.

Requirements: Should possess cactus-like qualities. Nomadic skills. If married, husband or wife shouldn’t mind having a sun-burnt or coal-like partner. Should be ready to invest part of salary in our own solar cream company. Once selected should not desert job.


NOTE PLEASE: All those not interested in any post can still write to us to say they are not interested. Those interested to have lots of money can apply for different posts simultaneously. For more info please call on +24898745111. Now!