Cry me a River
by Katy Darby
So Mr. Thompson, whats the trouble exactly?
Its a bit private really.
Well, Im sure we can do something for you.
Well, its um, its my crying.
Ah. Yes, well, depression is a surprisingly
Its not that exactly, its just that
well, Im having trouble crying in
front of people.
Oh. And why do you want to do that, exactly?
Well, Ive had a few problems in my life
recently. My wife left me, Ive been made
redundant, my fathers in hospital with a
life-threatening illness, and obviously Im
upset about it.
And Im really finding it difficult to, you
know, express it when Im with people.
Friends, family, whoever. Its fine when Im
on my own, the tears just flow, Im sobbing
away, and then someone else comes in and it just
sort of dries up.
Right, right. And youd like me to help you
(defensively) Yeah, well, its not
like I cant cry, you know, I can. I hardly
stop when Im alone, actually. Buckets.
Floods. Its just with other people, you
know in public. I mean its not like
I dont want to. I do. And I feel really sad.
But nothing, you know happens.
And have you ever had this problem before?
Oh no. Never. Especially when I was younger.
And how old are you now?
Hmm. And when did you last have what you
considered to be a really good bawl? In public.
I suppose I would have been about twelve?
(happily)Yeah. Id broken my leg
falling off a wall and I really let go, you know.
Tears streaming down my face, screaming my head
off, snot everywhere.
And how did the people around you react?
Um. Well my Mum was very sympathetic, she rushed
across the playground to comfort me, and er, thats
(gently) What happened then?
Well, the other boys in the playground started
laughing, calling me a jessie and a gaylord and,
(whispers) And they called me Daisy. Till
I left school. When I was 18.
Right. Well, this kind of performance anxiety
concerning emotional display is quite common in
men of your age, especially if theyre big
girls blouses like yourself. Im going
to prescribe you a course of chick-centric films
such as Dying Young, Id like you to
meet up with a small group of needy women who
have recently been dumped by their boyfriends
here are their names at least once
a week, and Id advise you to drink lots of
medium white wine and fruit-based alcoholic
drinks, such as pina coladas, Bacardi Breezers
etc. the kind men are embarrassed to buy
Thank you so much Doctor. Really. I feel so much
Get out. Your weakness disgusts me.