Cry me a River
by Katy Darby
Doctor:
So Mr. Thompson, what’s the trouble exactly?
Thompson:
It’s a bit private really.
Doctor:
Well, I’m sure we can do something for you.
Thompson:
Well, it’s um, it’s my crying.
Doctor:
Ah. Yes, well, depression is a surprisingly
common problem.
Thompson:
It’s not that exactly, it’s just that
– well, I’m having trouble crying in
front of people.
Doctor:
Oh. And why do you want to do that, exactly?
Thompson:
Well, I’ve had a few problems in my life
recently. My wife left me, I’ve been made
redundant, my father’s in hospital with a
life-threatening illness, and obviously I’m
upset about it.
Doctor:
Obviously.
Thompson:
And I’m really finding it difficult to, you
know, express it when I’m with people.
Friends, family, whoever. It’s fine when I’m
on my own, the tears just flow, I’m sobbing
away, and then someone else comes in and it just
sort of – dries up.
Doctor:
Right, right. And you’d like me to help you
with this?
Thompson:
(defensively) Yeah, well, it’s not
like I can’t cry, you know, I can. I hardly
stop when I’m alone, actually. Buckets.
Floods. It’s just with other people, you
know – in public. I mean it’s not like
I don’t want to. I do. And I feel really sad.
But nothing, you know – happens.
Doctor:
And have you ever had this problem before?
Thompson:
Oh no. Never. Especially when I was younger.
Doctor:
And how old are you now?
Thompson:
Thirty-four.
Doctor:
Hmm. And when did you last have what you
considered to be a really good bawl? In public.
Thompson:
I suppose I would have been about twelve?
Doctor:
Twelve?
Thompson:
(happily)Yeah. I’d broken my leg
falling off a wall and I really let go, you know.
Tears streaming down my face, screaming my head
off, snot everywhere.
Doctor:
And how did the people around you react?
Thompson:
Um. Well my Mum was very sympathetic, she rushed
across the playground to comfort me, and er, that’s
when – (pause)
Doctor:
(gently) What happened then?
Thompson:
Well, the other boys in the playground started
laughing, calling me a jessie and a gaylord and,
um -
Doctor:
Yes?
Thompson:
(whispers) And they called me Daisy. Till
I left school. When I was 18.
Doctor:
Right. Well, this kind of performance anxiety
concerning emotional display is quite common in
men of your age, especially if they’re big
girls’ blouses like yourself. I’m going
to prescribe you a course of chick-centric films
such as Dying Young, I’d like you to
meet up with a small group of needy women who
have recently been dumped by their boyfriends
– here are their names – at least once
a week, and I’d advise you to drink lots of
medium white wine and fruit-based alcoholic
drinks, such as pina coladas, Bacardi Breezers
etc. – the kind men are embarrassed to buy
in bars.
Thompson:
Thank you so much Doctor. Really. I feel so much
better already.
Doctor:
Get out. Your weakness disgusts me.
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