by Michael A. Kechula
truly amazing! Cynthia exclaimed.
suppose youll tell all your friends what we
think of it, why should I be the center of
raunchy man-talk, when I just gave you every
ounce of my love? I can imagine how youll
make this sound like the conquest of the century.
And all the twisted, sleazy words youll use
to impress your friends. And how this incident
will grow until it ends up splashed across the
front page of the International Tattler. My
career will be ruined. Men will flock to my door
waving money. Porno producers will haunt me,
asking me to repeat before their cameras
everything we did tonight. And we did everything
, didn t we?
things that dont even have names yet---wouldnt
I kinda liked that thing with the rubber hose,
with one end in your nostril, and the other in
mine, while we jumped up and down on a
Tempurpedic mattress to see if a glass of wine
wed set between us would spill. It was
sublime, dont you think?
we pressed our heels together while singing Three
Blind Mice thirty-five times in a row. Left me
breathless. Was it as good for you?
then said, I gotta go. How about removing
the chains that have me strapped to your
yourself. Im exhausted. That thing we did
with the orange juice carton took my last ounce
these chains so tight, I cant move.
cant even wiggle my fingers.
youre completely helpless, eh?
been so helpless. Then he quickly added,
Why are you looking at me so weird? What
are you gonna do with that straight razor?
make damn sure you never tell anyone about this.
do it, Cynthia, he hollered, as she inched
toward him. Ill bleed all over your
linoleum. Youll end up in prison. And you
wont be able to do any of the things we did
seemed to hit home. She dropped the razor.
girl. Now loosen the chains.
until you marry me. Im no good to anybody
else. Not after all the things we did tonight.
Ill do anything you say, he said,
hoping she wouldnt go bonkers and grab the
neighbors to help roll the refrigerator, to which
Fred was attached, to her pickup truck.
They woke up
the nearest Justice of the Peace. Ninety, and
partially blind, he thought the white
refrigerator, to which Fred was chained, was
gown you have there, young lady, said the
justice. I know your husband-to-be is hot to go.
Cant say that I blame him. But would you
ask him to climb off you long enough so we can
perform the ceremony?