IMF Explains How
World Debt Crisis Is To Be Solved By "Imaginary
Economics"
The institutions and
regulators of the global financial system today
made an unprecedented joint announcement that
will change the underlying basis of the global
economy.
These institutions and
regulators, which include the International
Monetary Fund, the World Bank and the World Trade
Organisation, have agreed to adopt
“Imaginary Economics” or IE.
At a press conference at
the IMF headquarters in Washington DC, IMF
managing director, Christine Lagarde, explained
the nature of Imaginary Economics: ‘In order
to understand IE,’ she began, ‘it is
necessary to understand the history of global
economics:
‘All economic systems
are based on an exchange of goods or services for
something else which is recognised as being of
equivalent value.
‘Very early systems
used simple barter - someone might exchange a
goat for a sheep. Later, rare, and hence valuable,
commodities like gold were used as a more
convenient intermediate step in transactions. For
example, a person might exchange a goat for some
gold. That person might then exchange all or part
of that gold for a sheep. It’s a simple step
to see how coinage developed from this principle.
‘Later, governments
developed the idea of promissory notes or
banknotes. This meant that precious commodities
would be stored by a government who would issues
notes promising to return the comodities when
requested, on return of the notes. Although these
notes could be returned to the government in
exchange for the stored commodities, in practice
there became no need to do so. Confidence in
their vicarious value meant that the notes
themselves became the convenient intermediate
step in the transfer of useful goods and services.
Currencies were born.
‘UK banknotes still
include the words “I promise to pay the
bearer on demand the sum of…” although
these, and indeed all other banknotes, can no
longer be exchanged by their bearers for gold or
any other form of government reserves. They are
considered as retaining a value partly because
they are issued by an institution in which there
is financial confidence and partly because people
have come to unquestioningly accept such a
familiar system.
‘Until recent times,
there had been some connection between the
reserves of a country, such as gold, foreign
currency and and other securities, and the amount
of currency in circulation. However, with the
issue of long term government bonds, quantitative
easing, securitisation of debt and blatant fraud,
quite frankly, everyone’s lost the plot.
‘International
governments and markets have been trying to
pretend that it all still makes sense. In reality,
however, the whole system disappeared down the
rabbit hole with Alice, long ago, and we are now
seeing the effect of that in the current global
financial meltdown.
‘This finally brings
me back to the subject of Imaginary Economics or
IE, which will now underpin the global financial
system.
‘The ordinary citizen
knows little of the above principles of economics.
He or she uses currency to obtain goods or
services, and never ponders on what banknotes
really represent. As long as the currency works,
and no one thinks about it all too hard,
everything is just fine.
‘This leads to the
underpinning principle of IE: A currency can
be linked to anything or nothing, as long as
nobody thinks too hard about it.
‘Immediate steps will
therefore be taken to eliminate unhelpful
thinking about the global financial system and
also to promote unquestioning belief in it. The
imposition of unquestioning belief is, of course,
not new to the human race, and international
policies will be implemented based on the
successful promotion of Christianity in the
Middle Ages. An Inquisition will be formed with
powers to imprison, torture and burn at the stake
anyone who expresses disbelief at any IE doctrine.
‘IE policies will
include just one international currency called
the Zog. The Zog will be linked to the Martian
Troggle, which is a very stable currency as it is
supported by the vast Martian reserves of
bogglemite.
‘International debt
will be solved by printing enough Zogs to make
everybody happy.
‘Prices will be set
centrally, and employment will be mandatory, so
that production and commerce will continue to
function much as previously.
‘I can see that some
members of this audience have urgent questions
about this strategy. I would like to draw the
attention of those people to the armed guards in
the auditorium and the prison vans waiting
outside.
‘To encourage the
support of ordinary people, we propose to print
enough Zogs to make everyone a millionaire. Also,
all bank PIN numbers will now be 0000, and
withdrawals will be unlimited – account top-ups
will be automatic.
‘To bring banking
institutions on board with this plan, we have had
to guarantee massive performance related bonuses
to bankers, along conventional lines – that
is to say, the worse they perform; the greater
the bonuses they receive. Also they have demanded
to appear on television sitting amongst piles of
cash, jeering at ordinary citizens. In order to
avoid civil unrest as a result of their
conspicuous greed, we will be assuring believers
that bankers' bonuses have no effect on ordinary
people, but are fully funded by a generous gift
from King Bogo of Jupiter.
‘In conclusion, we
believe that it is a natural progression for the
global financial system to become completely
detached from any form of rationality, logic or
sanity, and that to take this minor step forward
from where it is at present will ensure a better
tomorrow for our nations. We believe that this
will mean a better future for you, for me and for
the large white rabbit on the ceiling who
explained all this to me.
‘Thank you.’
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