I would never have thought of myself as a
protagonist. Had I even considered the possibility, I could not
have suspected that my dramatic conversion to this critical and
pivotal role would occur on such a day. All appeared as normal as
I busied myself with the minutia of the ordinary routine. Event
uneventfully followed event without deviation from their
customary sequence, as if I were part of some great mechanism of
gears and cogs - each fashioned by an unknown craftsman to
perfectly mesh and thereby endlessly replicate my daily
It was then that the inciting incident
occurred - sudden, unexpected, unanticipated, unheralded. An
event which was, at one and the same time, disconcerting,
arresting - staggering, perhaps - but also amazing.
The ensuing conflict was, for a time,
disorientating. I soon, however, began to analyse with growing
apprehension what might follow. It was clear that dangers existed
as a result of my present circumstances but, more critically, I
could also envisage the inestimably greater consequences if a
resolution could not be effected.
I focused my mind onto the formulation of a
plan. It appeared that there were few options available to me,
but one strategy seemed to have some probability of success. I
systematically prepared my scheme, mapping and rehearsing the
steps until I knew that I could do no more to maximise my chances
I had given my chosen course of action its
best shot, which made my failure all the more devastating. With
hindsight I could appreciate why that approach could never have
I knew, however, that I must not fail, so
resolved to attempt an option I had previously discarded. The
risks had seemed just too great, but now there were no
alternatives. Once again I proceeded with meticulous attention to
detail until ready to act.
That second disastrous failure heralded my
darkest hours. I knew there was nothing more I could do. I was
beaten, defeated, outmanoeuvred, outmatched.
It was then, perhaps at the exact moment at
which I relinquished hope, that an event of revelation occurred.
It was as if that external happening had flung open a door hidden
deep within my mind - a portal which had been obscured for my
whole life far along a darkened passageway. Yes, this was the
I set to work. The risks and dangers would
be truly significant but this would be the final opportunity.
Exhilaration subdued my fear.
I executed the plan with all my remaining
strength. At first things went well. Then the tide of events
turned against me. With almost inevitable defeat staring at me,
mocking me, I made my final effort.
I was exhausted - but able to register the
relief and joy of victory.
Naturally, I returned to my previous
lifestyle. But it was not my previous lifestyle. Certainly the
pattern of day to day events continued much as before, but I had
been changed. Life could never be the same again. I would never
be the same again.