Intelligent Dogs
for the Stupid
This week’s appeal is
in aid of a vital but, sadly, little-known
charity. Most people know of the wonderful work
done by Guide Dogs for the Blind and Hearing Dogs
for the Deaf. Many fewer of us will have heard of
the important activities undertaken by
Intelligent Dogs for the Stupid.
Mr Grimes of Crewe was on
the point of agreeing to having a roof slate
fixed and his drive tarmacked by a builder who
‘happened to be doing work in the area’
who called at his door. The barking of Prince,
his dog, alerted him to the fact that this was a
very bad idea.
Mr Clayton of Rotherham was
planning to make his flat open-plan by removing
three load-bearing walls. Scamp, the retriever,
guarded the sledgehammer and growled each time Mr
Clayton approached it until he got the message.
This was particularly fortuitous as Mr Clayton
owned a ground-floor flat in a high-rise tower
block.
Disaster might have struck
in both these cases without the trained animals
which your donations could help to provide.
A particular difficulty for
the Charity lies in identifying recipients for
the dogs. People who are visually or hearing
impaired are well aware of their disabilities and
are often in contact with professionals who can
discuss with them the benefits of a canine
partner. Those suffering from chronic stupidity
may be unaware of their condition and even react
with hostility when it is pointed-out to them.
This is particularly true if the diagnosis is
tactlessly screamed by a fellow motorist, or
proffered at the wrong moment - for example by a
helpful fellow inebriate, near closing time.
Potential recipients are
identified in a number of ways. Those who ring
radio phone-ins to express their opinions on
issues of the day are frequently in the Charity’s
target group. Those who become excited about
being selected from all the homes in their
neighbourhood to be entered in the free prize
draw of a well-known publisher are also
approached, when identified.
Many new owners of
intelligent dogs for the stupid are surprised by
the number of times their animals save them from
actions they had not recognised as illogical.
‘At first I couldn’t understand why
Rover kept dragging me away from the Lotto
counter at the local shop,’ said Mrs Travers
of Bolton, ‘after all, I was due for a big
win.’ Mr Higgins of Blackpool was eventually
grateful to Rufus, the Alsatian, for savaging the
loan consultant from a finance company, who was
trying to convince him how beneficial it would be
to take on a level of debt comparable to that of
South America.
Training of the dogs is a
long and expensive process as they must learn to
recognise many varieties of stupidity. In this
respect the Charity is greatly indebted to its
patron, Her Majesty The Queen, who allows animals
in training to accompany selected members of her
own family - many of whom have such dogs of their
own.
Please give generously to
this worthy cause.
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