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Water Into Wine
by Roy P. Hendrickson

I got to tell you about the time I turned water into wine. That’s right I said I turned water into wine. Bear with me while I explain this to you.

My wife and I got an invite to a wedding and she wanted me to wear a jacket and a tie, but I didn’t have one, except for a Carhart and that wasn’t what she had in mind, so she came home with a jacket and a tie for me. Well this jacket had a string of four buttons on each of the sleeves but no buttonholes. Now why would you put buttons on a coat and not a single buttonhole, what a waste of buttons, anyway we were off to the wedding.

It was in a big beautiful church, filled with lots of people, and really high ceilings, you’d need a lot of scaffolding to work up there. Of course me being a carpenter would be the only one thinking like that.

After the wedding the fellow invited us to a restaurant, which we accepted.

Now I would of went straight to my honeymoon but to each his own they say.

When we got to the restaurant there were a lot of cars that I seemed to remember in the church yard and sure enough when we got inside just about every one of those folks were there. A guy in a white shirt and a black vest said ‘walk this way’. I watched him take a couple of steps and knew I couldn’t do that, but we followed him to a table anyway. He put his hand on the back of a chair and said ‘Sir’ and I didn’t know if he was talking to the chair or me. Then he pulled out the next chair to my left and my wife sat down, nice I thought. But he walked away and left me standing there. After muttering a few choice words under my breath I then pulled out the chair and sat down.

I looked at the table full of fancy dishes and cups, and fancy glasses on long skinny stems and a lot of silver ware but there wasn’t a lick of food anywhere.

More people were sitting down around that table and we all just stared at one another, until a pretty girl came along with a pitcher of water and filled up all those towering glasses. I sensed there must be something wrong but I kept my mouth shut. She came back with a basket of bread an put it on the table, that’s when I knew what must of happened. This poor guy went and invited too many folks out for dinner and he didn’t have enough money to feed us all, except for bread and water.

While I was thinking on this the other people were digging into the bread so I figured it was about time for me to get my share.

So I picked up my knife, loaded it with butter and with my other hand reached across the table and snagged some of that bread.

On the way back, that sleeve with all those useless buttons rubbed along the top of my wife’s fancy towering glass and you guessed it one of those useless buttons snagged the rim of that glass and over it went, and you’re right again, right into her lap.

Well there were people every ware throwing napkins at her to sop up that water. That’s when the whine began to flow and it never did stop. I think it still goes on till this day, but I ain’t for sure, I never do go down to Florida.