Water Into Wine
by Roy P.
I got to
tell you about the time I turned water into wine.
Thats right I said I turned water into wine.
Bear with me while I explain this to you.
My wife and
I got an invite to a wedding and she wanted me to
wear a jacket and a tie, but I didnt have
one, except for a Carhart and that wasnt
what she had in mind, so she came home with a
jacket and a tie for me. Well this jacket had a
string of four buttons on each of the sleeves but
no buttonholes. Now why would you put buttons on
a coat and not a single buttonhole, what a waste
of buttons, anyway we were off to the wedding.
It was in a
big beautiful church, filled with lots of people,
and really high ceilings, youd need a lot
of scaffolding to work up there. Of course me
being a carpenter would be the only one thinking
wedding the fellow invited us to a restaurant,
which we accepted.
Now I would
of went straight to my honeymoon but to each his
own they say.
When we got
to the restaurant there were a lot of cars that I
seemed to remember in the church yard and sure
enough when we got inside just about every one of
those folks were there. A guy in a white shirt
and a black vest said walk this way.
I watched him take a couple of steps and knew I
couldnt do that, but we followed him to a
table anyway. He put his hand on the back of a
chair and said Sir and I didnt
know if he was talking to the chair or me. Then
he pulled out the next chair to my left and my
wife sat down, nice I thought. But he walked away
and left me standing there. After muttering a few
choice words under my breath I then pulled out
the chair and sat down.
I looked at
the table full of fancy dishes and cups, and
fancy glasses on long skinny stems and a lot of
silver ware but there wasnt a lick of food
were sitting down around that table and we all
just stared at one another, until a pretty girl
came along with a pitcher of water and filled up
all those towering glasses. I sensed there must
be something wrong but I kept my mouth shut. She
came back with a basket of bread an put it on the
table, thats when I knew what must of
happened. This poor guy went and invited too many folks out for dinner
and he didnt have enough money to feed us
all, except for bread and water.
While I was
thinking on this the other people were digging
into the bread so I figured it was about time for
me to get my share.
So I picked
up my knife, loaded it with butter and with my
other hand reached across the table and snagged
some of that bread.
On the way
back, that sleeve with all those useless buttons
rubbed along the top of my wifes fancy
towering glass and you guessed it one of those
useless buttons snagged the rim of that glass and
over it went, and youre right again, right
into her lap.
were people every ware throwing napkins at her to
sop up that water. Thats when the whine
began to flow and it never did stop. I think it
still goes on till this day, but I aint for
sure, I never do go down to Florida.