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To the couple who sat in front of me today on the train
by Nicholas Robert

To the couple who sat in front of me today on the train;

As you proudly announced to the carriage that you're the last generation with 'common sense', you probably don't need, or want any advice from a youngster like me. You see, we're all a little bit daft. However, as you've shared so much with me these past few hours, (while completely unsolicited), I feel it would be untoward not to share a few pointers to help you along in this wild ride called life.

(a) Firstly, yes, you are going to need your passport to get into whatever South East Asian country your poker tournament is held in. No, your license isn't going to just 'cut it'. I feel you may be in for a rude awakening very, very soon. Airport security, I tend to find, aren't the most sympathetic bunch.

(b) Secondly, your life plan, which first of all banks on you winning the poker  tournaments 35 thousand dollar main prize, then putting it all on one number in roulette is ingenious. There's no way the odds are stacked against you on that one. Yes, once you do win, and I'm sure you will, you'll never have to work another day in your life. With investment planning like that, I can see how you far outshine members of all other generations like myself.

(c) Thirdly, asking 'do you get it' after every blonde joke isn't helping anyone. Sadly, I don't think the problem is in a lack of understanding. If, however, you work a bit on your timing, I'm sure one day someone will eventually find you funny.

(d) Finally, while those sunglasses may have been trendy in the time period known as 'never', they are certainly not helping your look now. If they are merely for practicality, I kindly remind you that it is night time. Night = no sun = no need for sunglasses. I'm not sure whether you took Maths, or even went to high school at all, as surely your common sense was all you needed. But I hope that equation makes sense.

Mind you, this is coming from someone who walked into a river with their passport. Nevertheless, I wish you all the best with what will albeit be a shorter holiday than expected. Although, I have heard there is a lovely cafe in Sydney airport and the star, a mere train ride away, also has roulette and poker. Although I doubt the overseas casino will refund your $500 entry fee. I also give you the best of luck in your future as a comedian. Maybe branch out, try some new material, trust me, there are far more people to make fun of than blondes. Self-deprecation seems like it would be right down your alley. I am hopeful, that one day your girlfriend, (who upon further inspection actually appears to be your mother), laughs at one of your jokes.

Kind Regards,

The arrogant youngster sitting behind you with, sadly, no common sense.