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The Ransom Of The Red Chief
by Rick Tornello

In the sky oh way up high
Away from the fracas, they can kiss his ass.
He’s the president, and he has precedent
Tricky Dick didn’t have the balls
The Red Chief he’s got moxie, he’s got the money, he’s got it all.
He knows, he’s sure, he’s right, he knows, the world he’ll floor,
This is his worldwide victory tour.
Out among the leaders, designed to give him creed
Fill his ego, and satisfy his deep-seated need.

AF One approaches the lands
Where memories span centuries
Where being thrown under the camel reviled
And ones reputation sullied? Revenge cultivated
No matter the religion the political region
his actions have good will effaced.
Among all the political factions, feel this high treason
It must be addressed, it must be erased.
In a meeting among allies or so it’s believed
Where plans have been made…
For a jumble of confusion, and so contrived
and where the security… is heavily compromised…


An anomaly on the radar screen
Its blank its empty no where to be seen
Scramble the escorts, but they’ve be diverted
The signals are crossed and the data perverted.
How can this be? Our president gone disappeared in thin air?
No missile track besides, that jet is protected
No distress call besides multi communication spectrum injected

Both you and I know and this is a fact
The big fat man in a big fat jet
His orange and red, and its big blue and white
gone from our vision?
gone from our sight?
Would be most difficult to wrap, or move unseen
most difficult to hide, gone from our sight?

The world is transfixed
Pence, Ryan and McConnell
Swill the drinks mixed.
No impeachment is necessary, no legal to call.
And what odes will be written.
The past is forgotten, their agenda’s so rotten.

But their public words uttered
Oh no, of course do not show.
Secret enclave of the political slaves
Sworn to secrecy, keeps the public at bay.

Condemnation, excoriation, the normal political lies
Get the marines, the navy and of course the FBI.
Who did this dastardly deed?
We’ll kill them five times when we catch them we will.
And GITMO will be a holiday to what we serve them as hell.

We’ll … what the
What all this?
In all the world papers a full-page ad
With display
Demands forthwith and done right away:

$10 trillion bit coins ransom for this man and the plane.
We’ve got it hidden on another dimensional frame.
We’re the alien pirates; we’re the alien host.
Pay us in methods that can’t be traced back
To our sleeper cells here,
that you’ll never hack back.

We’ll give you some time to gather the coin
But not too much friends
So make quick you don’t have much time
We’ve got other planets to pirate
Other planets to bind.

But nothing is done.
Nothing is done
The world’s gone catatonic
Weeks go by and there is no tonic.
Butt our congress of fools doesn’t hesitate
Invokes the 25th amendment,
Let him rot is the not so secret sentiment.
No payments are made; the military is stayed
All that we hear:
How can we discover where he’s been waylaid?
They’re aliens man!
He’s not even here.
He’s in another dimension of twilight we fear.
He’s gone from our world let’s get on with our career.

A note is passed to the UN one dark night.
A relief, to the planet, no world war fights.
And soon thereafter and following the clues
He’s found alive, watered,
zip tied and of course,
well fed.

The crew and the jet in a desert well hid
Are fine but confused, their memories dead.
But tattooed to his forehead in red letters read:

You can keep him. He’s a bore,
A fraud
and not worth the score.
The cost to your sanity your lives, and what’s more
If this is your choice
of world leadership
Then the comedy following is worth letting you slip.

By RdotTornello 2017 & The Village idiot Press