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The Bare Facts
by Tom Schmidt

It was just supposed to be a cute little joke. Really, that was all it was. But at times, a joke can go awry….  

It was a cool fall evening in Western New York when Josh, Pat and Casey decided to drive over to the house of Rachel Vessing. Their intent was simply to have a little bit of fun with their classmate on her 17th birthday. The planned “mooning” of the attractive redhead while singing “happy birthday” was intended to humor. They were sure that Rachel won’t be offended by it and would take the gesture in the manner intended. 

Hey, it was just a joke, right? But unbeknownst to the boys, Rachel’s father, the Reverend Josiah Vessing, was at home that evening and not at his normal Wednesday night bible study. 

The widower was protective of his only daughter and became even more so following the recent death of his wife. So it was normal behavior for him to answer the door with his daughter when the knock came at roughly 9 PM that evening. 

The boys assumed that only Rachel would be home when the door finally opened and were completely unaware that both Rachel and her father were at the door. Turned around and bent over, the boys laughed heartily when they heard the young girl gasp “oh my god” at the sight of their bare behinds. But they quickly realized their mistake when they heard a second voice, a male voice, suddenly boom out “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??” 

Fleeing off the porch while simultaneously trying to re-buckle their pants, boys might have been a bit too distracted to hear the reverend’s final comment to them as they ran off his property.

“Hey, that is not what I was talking about last week at church when I said that we all need to turn the other cheek…”