Scratch-Scratch
by Vijai Pant
After reading
the heading, are you wondering whether this is a
dermatologist trying hard to come up with
something creative that may tickle the funny bone
while also being a little more than skin deep? Or
are you visualizing ‘yours truly’
scratching his head in search of ideas which, for
once, do not sound machine-made but fresh and
original? Well, whatever be your surmise, this
piece may take painfully long to provide the
pleasure you seek before eventually stumbling
towards its illogical conclusion.
Now don’t
ask me the reason. Actually, I failed to
translate ideas into action- something I am, more
often than not, guilty of doing. Consequently,
trying to pick up from where I had left off feels
very much like starting from scratch.
It was a chain
of events that came as revelations to me, helping
me understand the present ‘big bad world’
better and how different it is from those ‘good
old days.’ What started it all was an
invitation from a self-proclaimed prominent
school to attend a ‘Parents’
Orientation Programme’ as the guest of
honour. Now, having retired from active service
and embraced the passive one instead (meaning you
leave the safe confines of your sweet home
whenever summoned), I expressed my inability to
be sufficiently well versed with the latest
developments that parents, as important
stakeholders in our educational ecosystem, ought
to be aware of. Nevertheless, willy-nilly, I went
and tried my best to do justice to the task
entrusted to me- which essentially was to glorify
the school no end. Personally, I suspect the
parents left more confused and ‘disoriented’
than enlightened.
However, when
the fickle damsel called ‘Lady Luck’
smiles on you, you get on to the road to success
without much sweat. The school strength swelled
appreciably that year and it was generously
believed that my eulogy too had played no
insignificant part in it. Not only that, other
educational institutions, unwilling to be left
behind and desperately in need of my supposed
Midas touch, virtually queued up for me.
Currently,
while I am enjoying this phase, I also understand
that, like the dotcom bubble, this too shall
burst one day. After all, affection lasts only so
long as utility does. Worse still, in my case
even utility is more apparent than real. The old
saying, ‘you scratch my back and I scratch
yours,’ has merely acquired modern packaging
and polished English accents. Here, without even
genuinely ‘scratching’ others’
backs, I somehow still manage to make them ‘itch’
for me.
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