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Regular Unsupervised Beatings At School Could Prevent ADHD In Britain's Youngsters, Claim Over-60s
by Danny Soz

People in the UK aged 60 or over are wholly convinced that severe beatings at school would almost certainly go a long way to eradicating the recent epidemic of kids who are being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.

A staggering 99 percent of those questioned who were born in the mid-50s or earlier, when beatings at school were commonplace, were firmly convinced that an unsupervised, wild thrashing from a burly male teacher in a stock cupboard using a cane or a large slipper would wholly eradicate ADHD overnight.

When presented with the findings, the Department of Education gave a guarded response last night:

"Listen, we'd like nothing better than to lift the ban on corporal punishment so that some of these little shits with so called behavioural issues could have their ADHD eradicated by means of a really good, unsupervised pounding, but we're shit-scared of being sued by the parents.

"Maybe, if they'd been subjected to the odd sadistic larruping in a cupboard themselves back in the day they wouldn't be so bloody litigious and soft"

In other related news, the former leader of the United Kingdom Independence Party, Nigel Farage, has called for all non-white pupils at Britain's secondary schools to be forced to recite the entire works of William Shakespeare backwards in Latin or face being thrown to the school lion.