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Oh Blah
by Harris Tobias

Greetings from the planet Blah. On Blah we are amused at the excitement generated by your elections. We don’t get excited on Blah. Our elections are small affairs attended only by the candidate’s family. The candidate with the biggest family usually wins. Anyone can vote in our elections but nobody does.

On Blah no candidate would ever run on a platform of change. Nothing ever changes on Blah, it is not allowed. If anyone accidentally changed anything they would be made to put it back the way it was and then apologize.

There is no campagining on Blah, no lawn signs, no speeches and definitely no conventions. A candidate for office simply pins a sign to his jacket saying his name and the office he or she is running for. On election day his family votes for him.

There are no debates on Blah or, if there are, no one cares enough to watch them. A debate on Blah would sound like this:
Speaker 1: Would you repeat the question please?
Speaker 2: What question is that?
Moderator: Weren’t you listening?
Speaker 1: Are you talking to me?

This might go on for an hour until everyone was asleep.

We don’t cook on Blah, we order take out from one of three places: Big China, Big Taco and Big Burger. It’s been years since I heard anyone say yummm.

On Blah  you can aspire to work for a big company, the government or the medical profession. Life on Blah is perfect. Everyone is happy.