Let's Face It
by Stephen Philip Druce
I was running
late for a date with a lady - needed a shave and
realised I'd run out of razors.
There wasn't
enough time to go shopping for some, so my
flatmate suggested I use a cheese grater instead.
I arrived at
the bar to meet the lady - "get all that
cheese off your face now" she said.
I laughed it
off and tried to change the subject - "get
all that cheese off your face now" she said.
"What
cheese on my face? - you must be joking" I
said.
"Get all
that cheese off your face now" she said.
"I can
assure you lady, there is no cheese on my face"
I said.
"Get all
that cheese off your face now" she said.
"Madam I
beseech thee. Do you think I would nobly grace
this prestigious rendezvous in such seductive
fervour with cheese on my face?"I said.
"Get all
that cheese off your face now" she said.
"Look, do
you really think I would misplace with such
anomaly, a gross misrepresentation of my face by
adorning it in cheese?" I said.
"Get all
that cheese off your face now" she said.
"Do you
think I would indefensibly in such disregard and
folly, blunder with impudence by exibiting a
cheesy face?" I said.
"Get all
that cheese off your face now" she said.
"Do you
really think I would jeopardise these romantic
proceedings by letting the Red Leicester on my
shaven face fester?" I said.
"Get all
that cheese off your face now" she said.
"Do you
think I would let an imposter like the Double
Gloucester ruin this date? - I wouldn't dare! I
wouldn't dare! I wouldn't dare wear the camembert!"
I screamed. "Get all that cheese off your
face now" she said.
When I got
home later that evening my flatmate said - "get
all your stubble from out of the cheese grater".
I apologised and washed the dishes. "And
another thing" he said, "what's that?"
I said.
"Get all
that cheese off your face now" he said.
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