It's No Yolk
by Stephen Philip Druce
Breakfast at
my local cafe -
"Bacon
and egg please my good man" I said.
"Yes sir,
we've run out of bacon though" said the cafe
manager.
"No bacon?"
I said, "well in light of this unforseen
omission to the meal - subsequently condensing
the choice on offer today, may I suggest a
straightforward exchange here?. In simple terms I'd
like to propose a negotiation. How about we
supersede the relegated bacon slice for a newly
promoted breakfast addition?".
"What's
that in plain English?" he said.
"Give me
a sausage instead of the bacon" I said.
"I can't
do that - it's breakfast policy" he said.
"But you
can't expect me to pay the same amount for less
food" I said. "Why dont we remedy this
overpriced dilemma by reducing the value of the
redundant rasher from the overall charge? - thus
compensating me for the expired porky piece that
I have been so cruelly deprieved of".
"What's
that in plain English?" he said.
"Give me
a discount" I said.
"I can't
do that - it's breakfast policy" he said.
He served me a
tiny yolkless egg.
"Sir, I'd
like to express a euphemism. May I encourage you
to initiate a demonstrative enforcement of the
chicken-layed sizzler into the darkened depths of
your rear side anatomy?".
"What's
that in plain English?" he said.
"Shove
that egg up your ass" I said.
"I can't
do that - it's breakfast policy" he said.
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