Sammy
by Laura Solomon
and Kerryn Young
I fell from the
sky on a Tuesday. Came down full of piss and
thunder, but terrified too, what the hell was
happening? I was a rebel angel. Once on earth
I donned dark glasses and tight black jeans, rode
a Harley, and obtained two tattoos. On my left
arm, a dragon, on my right, a white lotus. People
were scared of me, an effect I did not mind. I
felt like a god in disguise. I picked up a mini-skirted
girlfriend called Tiffany with an eighties perm
and a lip piercing and I was set. Planet Earth? I
thought I owned the place.
I was God’s
gift to women; a tiger in the sack. My pet
hatred? Red lights. Didn’t see the point in
them. Wrote to the council about it - Dear Mr
So and So - never got a bloody reply, damned
if I could figure out why. So I just started
running right through them; rules were made to be
broken. Nobody got hurt – that in itself was
a miracle.
I was a lone wolf,
too proud to belong to any gang. I operated solo.
I had my own batchelor pad, complete with
rotating heart shaped bed and mirrors on the
ceiling. Tiffany made a great custom made duvet
cover with a tiger on it and fluffy blue trim.
There was a bar in one corner of the bedroom and
a bar in the lounge too. Blue LED lights were on
display throughout the house. A finishing touch.
Money? Luckily for
me Tiffany was loaded. Her Dad was a banker in
the city and sent her a big fat cheque every
month. She was very generous – she helped me
afford my pad. In the back of my mind, I had a
vague inkling that I had been sent to earth for a
purpose. When I saw a rock musician on stage I
would feel guilty that I had somehow let the side
down. There had been another aspect to this
mission on earth and it had involved music.
Unfortunately, I had not mastered any instrument,
in fact, I hadn’t mastered anything at all,
apart from making Tiffany giggle.
I know it might
sound crazy but one night the Big Fella appeared
to me in a dream. I can’t really recall what
he was saying ‘cause I was half-smashed but
it was something along the lines of pull your
socks up buddy or you’ll be going back where
you came from. Course I didn’t pay it
any mind. Just a stupid dream.
But bugger me days
if the next week I wasn’t driving home from
the pub when I took one red light too many and
came face to face with the grill of a logging
truck. Lights out. Game over.
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