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by Laura Solomon and Kerryn Young

I fell from the sky on a Tuesday. Came down full of piss and thunder, but terrified too, what the hell was happening? I was a rebel angel. Once on earth I donned dark glasses and tight black jeans, rode a Harley, and obtained two tattoos. On my left arm, a dragon, on my right, a white lotus. People were scared of me, an effect I did not mind. I felt like a god in disguise. I picked up a mini-skirted girlfriend called Tiffany with an eighties perm and a lip piercing and I was set. Planet Earth? I thought I owned the place.

I was God’s gift to women; a tiger in the sack. My pet hatred? Red lights. Didn’t see the point in them. Wrote to the council about it - Dear Mr So and So - never got a bloody reply, damned if I could figure out why. So I just started running right through them; rules were made to be broken. Nobody got hurt – that in itself was a miracle.

I was a lone wolf, too proud to belong to any gang. I operated solo. I had my own batchelor pad, complete with rotating heart shaped bed and mirrors on the ceiling. Tiffany made a great custom made duvet cover with a tiger on it and fluffy blue trim. There was a bar in one corner of the bedroom and a bar in the lounge too. Blue LED lights were on display throughout the house. A finishing touch.

Money? Luckily for me Tiffany was loaded. Her Dad was a banker in the city and sent her a big fat cheque every month. She was very generous – she helped me afford my pad. In the back of my mind, I had a vague inkling that I had been sent to earth for a purpose. When I saw a rock musician on stage I would feel guilty that I had somehow let the side down. There had been another aspect to this mission on earth and it had involved music. Unfortunately, I had not mastered any instrument, in fact, I hadn’t mastered anything at all, apart from making Tiffany giggle.

I know it might sound crazy but one night the Big Fella appeared to me in a dream. I can’t really recall what he was saying ‘cause I was half-smashed but it was something along the lines of pull your socks up buddy or you’ll be going back where you came from. Course I didn’t pay it any mind. Just a stupid dream.

But bugger me days if the next week I wasn’t driving home from the pub when I took one red light too many and came face to face with the grill of a logging truck. Lights out. Game over.

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