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Fuelling Trouble
by Stephen Philip Druce

I mistakenly squirted fuel through the rusty hole in my car instead of the fuel tank, consequently drenching my grandmother in diesel - "it's even gone in inside my knickers!" she screamed.

Sitting in the front seat my girlfriend yelled - "you've put your nozzle in the wrong hole!".

"I've put my nozzle in the wrong hole?, this is no time for innuendo dear, we're in a crisis - I've accidentally sprayed grandma with the gooey stuff" I said.

"You've sprayed grandma with the gooey stuff?. This is no time for innuendo, we must remove her clothing - she can wear my coat until we get home" said the wife.

We stripped her clothes off and the garage cashier lady called the police. Our indiscretion had unwittingly caught her attention - "officer, a man and a woman have taken an old woman's clothes off and she is naked on the garage forecourt caked in diesel. The man pumped a load over her" she said.

"Pumped a load over her?" said the officer, "this is no time for innuendo madam, I must arrest the old lady for indecent exposure". He arrested grandma, and I for obstructing the officer in the course of his duty.

In the police van I pleaded with the officer to demonstrate some leniency. I said - "officer, please exonerate grandma. This sorry episode will besmirch her good name irrevocably. It's all my fault - I'm the one who filled her knickers with juice".

"You filled her knickers with juice?" said the officer, "this is no time for innuendo sir, we're in a crisis. The police van is almost out of fuel, so I'm going to have to syphen some diesel from out of your grandma's ass. We don't need much - just enough to get us to the station. Grandma - put your hands on the van and spread your legs".

"Spread your legs?" I said, "this is no time for innuendo officer, we may have a crisis here. What happens if you search her internally and discover there's no fluid?".

"Discover there's no fluid?" said the officer, "this is no time for innuendo sir, I've just received another complaint from the cashier lady at the garage. Apparently you left without paying for the diesel - you owe her three pound twenty six".

"I'll pop in tommorow and give it to her" I said.

"Give it to her?" said the officer, "this is no time for innuendo sir - you owe the garage three pound twenty six".

"I haven't got any money officer - there's a five pound note in grandma's vagina, take it out of there" I said.

"In her vagina sir?" said the officer, "she hides her cash there? - she must be really tight".

"She must be really tight?" I said, "this is no time for innuendo officer".