Dear Jennifer
by Keith Gillison
Dear Jennifer
Last night was
the most wonderful evening of my life. As I gazed
into your eyes across the dining table, I found
myself hypnotised by your beauty. Words cannot
describe my pride at having you as my date, the
envious eyes of every male in the restaurant
wishing me ill because I, and not they, were
dining with the most beautiful creature ever
created. The music, the ambience, the food and of
course the company made it a special evening that
I will never forget.
It was such a
shame you had to leave before the starters
arrived. I do of course fully understand the
urgent nature of your departure. Promising to
care for your sister-in-law’s ailing pet is
a terribly important responsibility. Chronic
Fatigue Syndrome is, I understand, a serious
medical condition for a tortoise. With your
attentive care I have no doubt that Brian will be
on the road to recovery in next to no time.
Perhaps in the quiet moments you had alone with
Brian, you were able to contemplate more fully my
proposal of marriage. You might think it rather
sudden given that it was the first time we had
actually met. On reflection, I realise it could
have been too soon and my hiring of a string
quartet to play ‘here comes the bride’
may have appeared slightly presumptuous. I also
now realise that your scream may not have been
the entirely positive reaction of acceptance that
I first thought it was. Please do take all the
time you need.
Once again, I
feel I must apologise for the unfortunate
misunderstanding that occurred. As God is my
witness, I swear I was not trying to grope your
chest, but merely attempting to perform the
Heimlich manoeuvre after you accidentally
swallowed the engagement ring. Placing the ring
in your champagne flute was a foolish romantic
notion of mine. They say the course of true love
never did run smooth and if that’s the case,
then we should be encouraged by the odd mishap at
the beginning of our long journey together.
My love for
you is profound and deep Jennifer and I will
prove this to you on our second date. I’m
free Friday evening if that suits you? Wednesday
and Thursday are also good for me and I’m
not currently busy Monday or Tuesday either. I
could make tonight as well. Could you please let
the agency know which night is best for you as
for some reason they won’t give me your
contact details. They also seem to have removed
you from their website, but I assume that is
because you are now officially ‘spoken for’.
I can’t wait to see you again my darling and
am counting the seconds until I can again bathe
in your beauty.
Forever yours
Raymond
PS Could you let me know when you’ve been
able to successfully pass the ring please, it’s
been in my family since the reign of King George
the third.
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