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Confessions of a Squash Club Manager
Episode 2
Taking a Dump

by Dean Brown

Arriving at the Corleone Squash Centre today, I was full of enthusiasm and evil thoughts about the torture I would inflict on my old squash mate on the court later today.
However my enthusiastic feeling was about to be shattered....pardon the pun, it will become obvious later.

I notice a car pull into the car park and two new faces get out and head towards the door. "Hi guys what can I do for you?" I asked them in my most professional voice, must impress the newbie’s.
"Just a court for half an hour thanks Gov." Said a rather fat pasty faced English man in a very broad Geordie accent.
"No worries guy's, Fourteen dollars and she's all yours," I said, adding, "Please be aware that the lights will go off automatically when your time is up." Acknowledging this they hand over the fourteen dollars and I send them around to court 4 and turn the lights on.

Five minutes into their game the fat Englishman walks past me and goes into the toilet. It was a full fifteen minutes later when he floats past heading back to the court to finish his game, looking much lighter after what must have been a massive dump. Ten minutes later their time was up so I turned their lights off.
Both of them came racing around to the counter, "What the fucks going on," They both yelled in unison at me." Why have the lights have gone off ?" 
"Sorry guy's, times up," I said. "Thanks to my generous nature I even game you an extra five minutes." I said, trying to sound relaxed.
"We only played for ten minutes" said the non shitter, glaring across at his playing partner.
"Listen mate don't blame me if your buddy uses half your playing time up having a shit. I'm just like a lawyer, time is money as I explained when you paid for your half hour, and unfortunately your time is up." I said, bracing myself for the expected outburst.
However non was forthcoming, they obviously realized  the situation was hopeless and instead headed for the door, the non shitter looking extremely annoyed.
As they came in the same car it could make for an interesting drive home.

Two more happy customers
Good squashing
Squash godfather