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by Harris Tobias

Blang! God damn this ground is hard. It’s like steel. The damn pick just bounces off the permafrost? It’s like steel I tell you.

Blang! You hear that? Steel. You try digging in frigging permafrost. No one can.

Blang! And here it is freaking Christmas eve. What the hell am I doing working on Christmas eve anyway?

Blang! At this rate it will take a week to dig the grave. Just look at the size of that guy, will you? Just my luck to have to bury a giant fatty.

Blang! There’s got to be a better way. I wish I had some dynamite or some of that High Explosive crap we use. That would make short work of this job. Yeah, dream on. Like anyone cares about making my job easier.

Blang! Who test fires a missile on Christmas eve anyway? What, they don’t have anything better to do? Don’t they have families? Sure they have families. They’re home with their families right now decorating the tree and drinking freaking egg nog while I’m out here freezing my ass off burying some fat guy. It’s so not fair.

Blang! Will you look at that hole? I’ve been banging away for almost an hour and I couldn’t bury a frigging tea cup. Damn this ground is hard.

Blang! Well, I guess things could be worse. They can always be worse, right? Never better, only worse.


Blang! Phewwww. Man this is hot work. Look at that poor schmuck. Dead. Dead as a doorknob. What the hell was he doing out on a night like this anyway? Flying around in restricted airspace is asking for trouble?

Blang! Well it could have been worse. At least I don’t have to bury the freaking reindeer.