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A Short Analysis of the SETI NOISE EMINATING
From The Dominant Creatures on the Planet Called Earth
by Rick Tornello

Presented to the Intergalactic Committee on the discovery of noises emanating from a planet called Earth in the far distant unmapped regions of the Universe.

To the most exalted knowing beings in the Universe to who we give undying devotion, loyalty and love our analysis follows:


A premise, a theory, a slight hint at an underlying reality ignored by most that any movement, idea, ideology or thing that one is willing to throw total devotion and effort into, is by its very nature, flawed.  And why would we posit that? Because no matter how beneficial and benign the movement may seem, if it has been concocted by crazy human apes they will in no short time twist the origins and foundation of these potentially good ideas into something with no resemblances to the original other then possibly in name.
There is not much more to conclude except to mention that these apes will slaughter and kill one another as well as pollute their home with utter abandon in the name of these ideas and beliefs. We conclude they are quite insane.
The Committee also suggests we just leave them to their own devices and prevent any possible communication with the greater universe with an enforced quarantine, that is if you see fit and if you will it.
This theory does not include the underlying real possibility that they are really only there to serve the bacteria and fungi that inhabit the totality planet in a not even conceived manner by these apes on that planet.
And furthermore, these bacteria and fungi are the real dominant life forms and don’t particularly care what these insane apes do as long as the planet isn’t incinerated. They have made it clear in the role these apes play that we are not wanted there. The apes are in fact a defensive weapon, and specially designed to make the planet uninhabitable. And upon further analysis actually represent these bacteria and fungi in a most effective manner as an extension of them in a multicellular weaponized fashion. Many models have been designed in the past but these are the best models yet.
Our only solution is to wait for a Gamma Ray Burst to sterilize this rock. And upon that occurrence we can later sow new and saner life forms or even colonize these outer fringes if we so decide.
We await your all knowing answers and recommendations.
Signed, The Committee.
Richard Tornello