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What's Wrong With The Left?
by Doug Hawley

Many parts of my body either hurt or don’t work, but the left is really bad.

My left shoulder has been diagnosed with five problems, which on a good day, I can remember: floating bodies (sounds like a mystery or war novel), calcification, bone spur, degenerative joint disease and arthritis. Granted, there may be some overlap here. There are times when it is quite painful. At least these are signs of a life poorly lived.

Left arm – practically useless. I can catch with it a little and sometimes hold things. It is weaker than the right. Attempts to write, throw or bat lefty are comical.

The orthopedic guys told me that one leg is shorter than the other, which is probably why I habitually walk in circles.

I shovel and kick right footed. Throwing or batting with either foot doesn’t work and I’ve had plenty of left foot and knee pain. An X-Ray showed severe to advanced arthritis and an old fracture to my kneecap. Knee pain has reduced me to using a walker on a few days.

My high blood pressure is related to the left-leaning heart.

My left eye is inferior to the right – both are abysmal. With powerful lenses my sight can be corrected to near blind.

According to a vast oversimplification of a Wikipedia article, the right side of the brain is more action/emotional oriented and the left side is more caution/analytic oriented. Hard to pick a winner or loser here, particularly since the left brain controls the right side of the body and vice versa.

Whichever part of the brain does what; neither side can help me remember all the leftist problems over the years.

The right isn’t that great either, but that is a story for another time. I’ve got plenty wrong with both sides.

Short Bio - The author is a disintegrating aging writer of short bios.