What's Wrong
With The Left?
by Doug Hawley
Many parts of my body
either hurt or don’t work, but the left is
really bad.
My left shoulder has been
diagnosed with five problems, which on a good day,
I can remember: floating bodies (sounds like
a mystery or war novel), calcification, bone spur,
degenerative joint disease and arthritis. Granted,
there may be some overlap here. There are times
when it is quite painful. At least these are
signs of a life poorly lived.
Left arm – practically
useless. I can catch with it a little and
sometimes hold things. It is weaker than the
right. Attempts to write, throw or bat lefty are
comical.
The orthopedic guys told me
that one leg is shorter than the other, which is
probably why I habitually walk in circles.
I shovel and kick right
footed. Throwing or batting with either foot
doesn’t work and I’ve had plenty of
left foot and knee pain. An X-Ray showed severe
to advanced arthritis and an old fracture to my
kneecap. Knee pain has reduced me to using a
walker on a few days.
My high blood pressure is
related to the left-leaning heart.
My left eye is inferior to
the right – both are abysmal. With
powerful lenses my sight can be corrected to near
blind.
According to a vast
oversimplification of a Wikipedia article, the
right side of the brain is more action/emotional
oriented and the left side is more caution/analytic
oriented. Hard to pick a winner or loser here,
particularly since the left brain controls the
right side of the body and vice versa.
Whichever part of the brain
does what; neither side can help me remember all
the leftist problems over the years.
The right isn’t that
great either, but that is a story for another
time. I’ve got plenty wrong with both
sides.
Short
Bio - The author is a disintegrating aging
writer of short bios.
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