Commandments In the 21st Century
by Doug Hawley
A team of
defense lawyers has given a modern interpretation
of the Ten Commandments.
1. I am the Lord Your God. / You shall
have no other gods before me.
Response One of these is not even
a commandment. Note that it says before,
therefore having other gods equal is acceptable,
so if you choose to have Morduk, Justin Bieber,
money, a Corvette, Angelina Jolie, or the
Portland Trailblazers as equal gods, you meet the
letter of the law.
shall not make yourself an idol.
Response We cant imagine
that applies to reality shows like American
Idol or movie studios, the major producers
not take the name of the Lord in vain.
Response In vain,
what does that even mean? Other parts of the
book imply that we cant speak or know his/her
name, and that there are many names for god, so
how can we possibly apply this commandment? We
dont think that Gosh or Golly
Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.
Response If some say it is
Saturday and some say it is Sunday, it would be
completely unfair to apply this to either day. Anyway,
how do we keep it holy? Does watching
football and drinking beer count if football is a
Honor your father and mother.
Response Visits on Christmas or
Thanksgiving should be adequate.
shall not kill/murder.
Response If you are commanded by
secular authority, such as the military, this
commandment is rendered void. Police are
exempt. If somebody threatens you in any way, say
looking at you in an intimidating way, lethal
response is considered self-defense.
shall not steal.
Response Office supplies should
be considered de minimus. Borrowing and not
returning does not constitute stealing.
shall not commit adultery.
Response If you did not enjoy it
or agree to counseling afterwards, it should not
be held against you.
shall not bear false witness against your
Response Your truth may not be
You shall not covet your neighbors wife.
/ You shall not covet anything that belongs to
Response The first half is
unenforceable because it is not gender neutral. Defining
the difference between liking and
coveting is a slippery slope no one
is qualified to define.