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by Doug Hawley

Duke and Sally went to the Lake Oswego carnival on Duke’s twenty-fifth birthday.  He and Sally had been married seven years at that time and still acted like newlyweds.  After they rode the small roller coaster and the whirly-gig, they went to see the main stage where a Genius Jody Stiles, who claimed to be clairvoyant, was doing his act.  When he asked for a volunteer, Sally volunteered Duke as a birthday surprise. 
Stiles asked Duke “Give me a big smile.” 
Duke stretched his face into a painfully exaggerated version of something vaguely resembling a smile. 
Stiles explained “Your teeth have nerves that connect to your spirit.  I can read them and tell you all about yourself and your future.  You are the best HVAC technician in three counties; you’ve been married to your high school sweetheart for six years (looks at watch), ten months and three days.  You currently weigh 176 pounds, but would like to get back to your high school weight of 163.  Did I get all of that right?” 
Duke looks at Sally and she nods yes.  Duke’s jaw drops comically. 
Stile continues “Now about your future.  You should quit your HVAC job; go to college and study math and physics.  You will become the most famous scientist since Einstein.” 
Fifty years later, Duke had become the most famous scientist since Einstein.  He has solved particle entanglement, and explained what happens to Schrödinger’s cat.  His biggest achievement was discovering the Centaur like inhabitants of Renn - dim witted, but excellent sculptors.  “I sure wish that Stiles was still alive so I could thank him for telling me how to change my life.” 
Sally tells him “So you never figured out what happened at that reading?  I asked Stiles’ assistant to do that reading beforehand and gave him all those facts about you.  I thought that you would enjoy it, but could figure out what happened.” 
“That explains how he knew about me, but he got my future planned out by reading my teeth.” 
“Duke, do you remember that bicycle accident when you were twelve?” 
“Do you also remember that you had to have all of your front teeth replaced by implants?  He didn’t have anything but artificial teeth to read.  That future was totally made up based on nothing.” 
Duke is temporarily stunned.  After a long pause “All’s well that ends well?” 

*See for a description of Renn.