The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

Stress in Uploading
by Betty Mermelstein

There it was. I could hear it across the room. My phone had just given out the tone that signaled I had just received an email. I had chosen the Can Can as the tone: one, because I could could, and two, because it sounded rather like an affirmation statement. However, as I glanced toward the kitchen table where I had left my phone next to my computer, I had my doubts. In fact, my heart started doing flip flops in my chest and my fingers began interlacing themselves like two spiders mating.

I kept staring at my computer, telling myself that I really should go see if it was from whom I thought it was, but the stress glued my feet to the floor. I had been emailing Spindle, my ebook publishing company, about uploading my book within the proper format that was acceptable to them. So far, acceptable wasn't in their vocabulary.

My first press of the upload button had been met with an email outlining the errors that were preventing me from making thousands as an ebook author. Robert said that my indents were wrong in their spacing and that I should delete all tabs I had used. My chapter heading page was all misaligned. I needed to use the Heading option in the Styles section. 

Swearing had come easily as I searched my document form, the Help area, and anyone's answer to those who were as desperate as I was to post a question ANYWHERE on the internet.

A second upload generated the following from Anita (I must have sapped the life out of Robert with my first email). She reminded me that my cover image was not to exceed 1400 pixels on one side and that my page breaks should be added by hand only at the end of a chapter. I started hyperventilating as I pulled up my cover image and wondered if it mattered that my photo became the size of my TV screen in width and height after entering the desired pixels. I began to question whether I even needed chapters.

I had walked away from the kitchen table after my last upload. Could I really face the next outpouring of Spindle's lack of confidence in my formatting skills? I told myself I had to go back to my computer, even if at a tiptoe's pace. Besides, didn't the latest post from the blog, You Can Do It! tell me that there were seven days in a week and Someday wasn't one of them?

I side stepped over to my chair at the table and brought up my email. I glanced away from the subject matter heading for this most recent message. I had to face seeing the word Spindle in the heading box. I glanced back at the computer screen. Amazing Dating Options was telling me where I could go salsa dancing, and I breathed a sigh of relief.