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Staff Meeting
by Doug Hawley

“We’ve got a lot to cover today, and a lot of it is seriously troubling.  Joe, tell us about the two attempted escapes.” 
“Pat went over the fence in the exercise yard.  I don’t understand how somebody that big could climb it.  Pat returned a couple of days later.  Wanted back, it was hard on the outside, but we’re getting some push back on security from the public.  All the guards have been warned that they should do better if they want to keep their jobs.  George found an unlocked gate and went back to his family, but they didn’t want him and ratted him out, so he’s been returned.  I know we need to do better Warden. 
Warden “We’ve had trouble with food too.  Mary, any ideas?” 
“Yeah the problems are intense.  Food fights, which waste food and already cut into my slim budget.  Hunger strikes.  Nothing but trouble.  Here’s something I’m going to try.  Eat your vegetables – which are relatively cheap – or you don’t eat.  I remember it worked in my family.  Clean your plate- get a dessert.  Anyone who refuses to eat gets sent to solitary until ready to change.  I know this is strict, but you have to be strict to deal with these people.  If they were fit for society they wouldn’t be here.” 
“Do we have any good news?  What do you have Henry?” 
“I started the sports program to work off energy so they would stay out of trouble.  Big Gil won the arm wrestling tournament.  Softball is going well, the guys are enjoying it.  Only problem is tracking down homers from some of these long ball hitters.  I swear some of these guys could be professionals.  Those that don’t play enjoy watching.  We had to cancel football, too many injuries.” 
“Glad to hear some good news.  I’ll give Gil a trophy.  Anything else?  Jim?” 
“Warden you may want to rethink that trophy.  Gil and Sam Jordan have been sneaking off for illicit sex.  If that gets out, we’d be in deep stuff.” 
“OK Jim, maybe there’s something we can put in their food to diminish those desires.  Mary, check it out.  Got to say, I understand Sam – Big Gil is one fine woman.  If it didn’t betray my position - better leave it at that.” 
“I’ll look into possible food additives for dampening libido.” 
“I think that covers it all, but remember we can talk like this in private, but to the outside world, I’m Director, not Warden, and there are no guards, just hosts.  Families can send their elderly to other places than Sunset City Retirement Home, so be very careful how we deal with the public.”