Search and
Rescue
by Doug Hawley
If you would like to meet
some of the fine people from Search and Rescue
and listen to some of their amusing stories about
the fools that they encounter in their line of
work, here are some ways to help you do that. I’ve
attempted to use English as well as American so
this advice will work on both sides of the
Atlantic.
Start your hike close to
dark.
Make certain that you know
nothing about the route that you take, except
that the trail is narrow and that there are
dangerous drop offs.
Take a youth or dog that is
likely to wander off.
Bring a cell (mobile) phone
but be sure that it either doesn’t get
reception or that the battery is dead. Don’t
take a flashlight (torch).
It helps to wear a thin
undershirt, sandals and shorts when the
temperature is projected to be below freezing at
night.
Food or water? Of
course not.
Avoid maps and GPS.
Find a list of the ten
essential items to bring on hike and then burn it.
When it is dark and you are
scared of being lost, immediately leave the trail.
If you are lucky, you will fall down a bank and
be disabled.
You will probably make the
news the next day with the Search and Rescue crew. Good
idea – decide the day before whether you
want to go for a scruffy and disheveled look or
you want to be glamoro(u)s.
The
author was nicknamed Musty in high school,
probably because of his advanced knowledge of
mycology. The instigator of that name was
the late Tom Dorsey (not the band leader).
Subsequently, he became a little old man and a
Bigfoot Whisperer (he has a picture to prove it).
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