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Search and Rescue
by Doug Hawley

If you would like to meet some of the fine people from Search and Rescue and listen to some of their amusing stories about the fools that they encounter in their line of work, here are some ways to help you do that. I’ve attempted to use English as well as American so this advice will work on both sides of the Atlantic.

Start your hike close to dark.

Make certain that you know nothing about the route that you take, except that the trail is narrow and that there are dangerous drop offs.

Take a youth or dog that is likely to wander off.

Bring a cell (mobile) phone but be sure that it either doesn’t get reception or that the battery is dead. Don’t take a flashlight (torch).

It helps to wear a thin undershirt, sandals and shorts when the temperature is projected to be below freezing at night.

Food or water? Of course not.

Avoid maps and GPS.

Find a list of the ten essential items to bring on hike and then burn it.

When it is dark and you are scared of being lost, immediately leave the trail. If you are lucky, you will fall down a bank and be disabled.

You will probably make the news the next day with the Search and Rescue crew. Good idea – decide the day before whether you want to go for a scruffy and disheveled look or you want to be glamoro(u)s.

The author was nicknamed Musty in high school, probably because of his advanced knowledge of mycology.  The instigator of that name was the late Tom Dorsey (not the band leader). Subsequently, he became a little old man and a Bigfoot Whisperer (he has a picture to prove it).