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Smart Car
by Doug Hawley

14: Autodidact

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I asked Deuce what we should do if we ever saw Mower Arty. Deuce said we should chase him down, not only because he was a killer, but because Mower Arty embarrassed all unreformed vehicles such as himself. Deuce said “If we don’t catch him, no one will. The police with their smart cars could never keep up with him. No one other than us has the ability to stop him.”

I took Deuce out for a drive by myself for a change from my usual smart car ride Carl/a. Sheila had taught me to appreciate driving rather than just riding. It was invigorating to be in charge of the controls and I wanted to clear my mind about my relationship with Sheila.

We went out the old Columbia River Highway to catch some of the beautiful mountain and waterfall scenery.

News item - Something happened today that hasn’t happened for at least twenty years. Witnesses say a high speed car chase took place in Norbit Oregon on the old Columbia River Highway. Jason Atkins filmed part of the chase before it turned down Marchand Road. Matching the film to archives indicates that one of the vehicles was a 1969 Dodge Charger and the other was a garishly painted 1969 Mustang. The latter is known to be the vehicle of Mower Arty, so called because he has mowed down pedestrians and has pornographic art on the sides of the car.

Investigators at the end of Marchand Road found that the fence around Rightinback Falls had been knocked down and no sign of either car. It is assumed that both cars ended up in the Columbia River.

News item a week later – Mortimer Snodgrass in his 1969 Ford Mustang was found washed down the Columbia River from Norbit Oregon to Gresham Oregon. An autopsy has yet to be performed. Snodgrass, a thirty-five year old accountant, has been revealed to be the notorious killer Mower Arty. So far nothing has been found of the other car rumored to have gone over Rightinback Falls while in pursuit of Mower Arty.

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