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Russell Brand's Revolution in Gambling
by Wallace Runnymede

Russell Brand is sick of the lottery being run purely by poncey squares, greedy plums and corrupt geezers, who cruelly and arbitrarily force people against their will to choose random numbers...

In the vain hope that just on this one single, solitary, miraculous occasion, their number will come up.

After all, it’s not like subjecting innocent people to the whims of mathematics can be justified in a world where the big numbers domineer over the small.

Still, Russell doesn’t think there is any difference at all.

"They're all basically the same, mate!" he laments:

"1, 21, 43, 45, they all may look the same on the outside, but they all amount to the same thing. There's nothing to distinguish it, the outcome is always the same. I think we need to get our heads together and act, we can maybe find some more democratic way of spreading the wealth."

Like what?

"Well, like a tombola, everybody just stick their hands in and take out whatever they want."

But what if some people get greedy?

"Listen, man, you're actually worse than Paxmaaaaaaaan, you just don't get it. Listen mate, if the system were ACTUALLY just that LITTLE BIT more democratic, there wouldn't be any more greed."

Well... you may be right, Russell.

But I’m not betting on it.

Hm… not my best pun for a while.

Just have to leave the comedy to the experts in future ;(

Or does that cut both ways? ;)

Edited version of original on: