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- Probably Part Of A Larger Piece
by Doug Hawley

As I get close to of a century, I reflect.

The most important thing in the reflection is that there is nothing important there except for marrying well.

I’m continuously reminded of my age by so many things. When I got my increasing gray and diminished hair cut, the barber spent about as much time working over my ears and eyebrows as my hair. Oh yeah, eyebrows. My eyeball was itching for a couple of days recently and despite my search for an errant eyelash or head hair, I eventually found that it was an eyebrow hair.  AN EYEBROW HAIR. At least that wasn’t as bad as my old man flu during the Fourth Of July. Let’s not think about the extra pounds.  

Exciting job? Nope, actuary. Military exploits. Nope, student deferments. Athletic achievement? One home run in an over forty league when an outfielder played me cheap.

An earlier reason for reflection was local author Cheryl Strayed’s “Wild”. She hiked the Pacific Crest Trail, wrote a best seller, and had wild sex. Whereas I had nothing published (at the time), had done some hiking, and … .  It made my life so insignificant by comparison. At least I got some payback by writing parodies of “Wild” – “How To Write An Oprah Book”, “Mild” and “Wildest”.

When I hear about recent music or celebrities, my usual review is “what, who?” What I can hear, I don’t remember and what I can remember, I don’t hear.  I have no idea what I had for breakfast, but can remember being rejected fifty or sixty years ago.

If I’m in my golden years, I hope things look better when I get to titanium or platinum or whatever comes next.

The real bummer is that so many don’t get the chance to bemoan their old age.

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