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Notice! Effective Immediately!
by Don Magin

Due to a lack of appreciation and circumstances beyond Management's control, this kitchen will no longer feature a full-service menu. Self-serve will still be available, subject to the regulations herein.

Food supplies will be limited. As individual items are depleted, they will be replaced only if specifically requested in writing. Good grammar and accurate spelling are required. Verbal requests will be ignored.

Dinnerware, including plates, bowls, cups, glasses, and silverware, will be available on an 'as-is' basis. Excessive breakage will result in fewer items available. The dishwasher will be available between the hours of six-thirty in the morning to nine in the evening weekdays, and twentyfour hours a day on weekends. It will be monitored on a regular basis, and will be activated provided:

1) It is at least seventy-five percent full;
2) The contents are properly packed (see manufacturer's instruction sheet taped to the front panel);
3) There is a sufficient, but not excessive, amount of detergent in the dispenser;
4) There are few, if any, stray dinnerware items in the sink, on the countertops, on the table, or in other rooms, including bedrooms, living areas, the basement, and the garage;
5) All pots, pans, or casserole dishes have been pre-rinsed (i.e., there is no stuck-on residue. Pre-rinsed is not the same as dog-licked!).

Any food not returned to its proper storage place (e.g., refrigerator, pantry, cabinets) will be disposed of on a regular basis. Non-stale snack foods left out will be confiscated by the Management. The refrigerator will be completely emptied and cleaned if objectionable odors persist for a period of two days or more. The pantry and cupboards will be emptied promptly upon detection of ants, roaches, or rodent activity.

Spills must be cleaned up immediately, defined as not more than one half-hour after occurrence.

Stove burners and ovens may only be used by persons over ten years of age, unless supervision by an attentive individual more than fourteen years old is available. 

A fire extinguisher is located on the wall to the left of the stove. Management must be notified of its use.

The microwave oven is for food only. Any repeat of the 'drying socks and underwear' episode will result in removal of the unit.

Food prepared in this kitchen should be consumed in the kitchen or dining room only, with the exception of certain "portable" snack items, e.g., popcorn and cookies. Any room to which food is transported is subject to the same hygiene rules as the kitchen itself.

Trash and garbage should be disposed of in appropriate containers. Trash can liners are available in the cabinet beneath the sink. Bags should transported to the receptacles located behind the garage when full, but no less frequently than weekly.

Repeat violators will have their privileges restricted, at the discretion of Management.

These facilities will be off-limits periodically to the general public to allow Management to use them without interruption or turmoil.

We regret any inconvenience these changes might cause. If the rules are strictly adhered to, and if the persons availing themselves of this self-service kitchen behave in a courteous and polite manner to each other and to the Management, consideration will be given to restoring full service.

The Management (Mom to most of you; Honey to the other!)