by Don Magin
Due to a lack
of appreciation and circumstances beyond
Management's control, this kitchen will no longer
feature a full-service menu. Self-serve will
still be available, subject to the regulations
will be limited. As individual items are depleted,
they will be replaced only if specifically
requested in writing. Good grammar and
accurate spelling are required. Verbal
requests will be ignored.
including plates, bowls, cups, glasses, and
silverware, will be available on an 'as-is' basis.
Excessive breakage will result in fewer items
available. The dishwasher will be available
between the hours of six-thirty in the
morning to nine in the evening weekdays, and
twentyfour hours a day on weekends. It will
be monitored on a regular basis, and will be
1) It is at
least seventy-five percent full;
2) The contents are properly packed (see
manufacturer's instruction sheet taped to the
3) There is a sufficient, but not excessive,
amount of detergent in the dispenser;
4) There are few, if any, stray dinnerware items
in the sink, on the countertops, on the table, or
in other rooms, including bedrooms, living areas,
the basement, and the garage;
5) All pots, pans, or casserole dishes have been
pre-rinsed (i.e., there is no stuck-on residue.
Pre-rinsed is not the same as dog-licked!).
Any food not
returned to its proper storage place (e.g.,
refrigerator, pantry, cabinets) will be disposed
of on a regular basis. Non-stale snack foods left
out will be confiscated by the Management. The
refrigerator will be completely emptied and
cleaned if objectionable odors persist for a
period of two days or more. The pantry and
cupboards will be emptied promptly upon detection
of ants, roaches, or rodent activity.
Spills must be
cleaned up immediately, defined as not more than
one half-hour after occurrence.
and ovens may only be used by persons over ten
years of age, unless supervision by an attentive
individual more than fourteen years old is
extinguisher is located on the wall to the left
of the stove. Management must be notified of its
oven is for food only. Any repeat of the 'drying
socks and underwear' episode will result in
removal of the unit.
in this kitchen should be consumed in the kitchen
or dining room only, with the exception of
certain "portable" snack items, e.g.,
popcorn and cookies. Any room to which food
is transported is subject to the same hygiene
rules as the kitchen itself.
garbage should be disposed of in appropriate
containers. Trash can liners are available in the
cabinet beneath the sink. Bags should transported
to the receptacles located behind the garage when
full, but no less frequently than weekly.
violators will have their privileges restricted,
at the discretion of Management.
facilities will be off-limits periodically to the
general public to allow Management to use them
without interruption or turmoil.
We regret any
inconvenience these changes might cause. If
the rules are strictly adhered to, and if the
persons availing themselves of this self-service
kitchen behave in a courteous and polite manner
to each other and to the Management,
consideration will be given to restoring full
The Management (Mom to most of you; Honey to