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NASA Pluto Probe Discovers Oddly Familiar Tabloid
by Wallace Runnymede

Andromeda President: 

I don’t mind a few Milky Way types coming here the odd time, within reason, but they should bloody well accept the way we do things here!!!

Tearful Plutonian claims: 

My grandchildren are afraid of Neptunians who speak in senses they can’t understand!!!

Earth’s illegitimate international community must be held accountable to the cosmic community.

Does raw star plasma cure cancer of the hippabeeyowodippypipywopbopbop???

Stop ingesting dark matter, it causes gibbagibagibbaipbampeep of the domdomkop!!!

Are foreign spongers from Mercury stealing our sulphur?

Too many of our kids are learning useless soft subjects like astral engineering, black hole management, and anti-supernova protection.

Health wormhole tourists are bankrupting Jupiter!

Our once-thriving time travel and suspended-animation-space-odyssey industry is being ruined by pointless, bureaucratic health and safety diktats.

President of Uranus warns: Alpha Centauri dictator can launch hostile probe in just one million years!!!

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