Glossary And Wisdom
by Doug Hawley
Are we here yet? The answer is always
Are we there yet? If said subject to
Bleeding Probably not fatal unless in
Bonus To leader for bringing back more
hikers than taken out.
Boots Wear them.
Cell phone Dont depend on. Useful in
emergencies and to irritate other hikers.
Cheryl Strayed / Wild Rules:
Try out your boots for a few miles, before a
thousand mile hike.
Try out your pack for a few miles before a
thousand mile hike.
Cliffs Where you find out if you have any
Clothes Take clothes for all possible
weather. Layers good. In good weather,
flaunt it if youve got it.
Falls Try to avoid, but you wont.
Practice tuck and roll at home after moving all
Feet Something that hurts.
Five Mile Hike The new ten mile hike.
Flower Identification They are smaller
Gaiters Misspelling of gators.
Gatorade Bring for your gators.
Good Hike Nobody dies.
GPS If your group has one, you will know
exactly where you are. If you have more than
one, you will have no idea.
High heeled sneakers Good song, bad for
Knife edge terrain where I wont be
We are almost at lunch Means we arent.
It is just around the bend And 20 others.
There is no uphill after lunch There is.
The steam crossings were easy when I scouted
They arent now.
It is a five mile level hike It could be
Mountain Something that you can fall off
screaming to your death.
Nature Our enemy. It blocks views,
sends coyotes and raccoons into our backyards and
slugs into our gardens. We must win the
battle against nature at all cost.
Poles or walking sticks Equipment used to
ensure that the face is broken rather than wrists
when one falls or for stabbing the hiker behind. Rule
of the trail the hiker behind is at fault.
Poison Oak Leaves of three, let me be. Definitely,
do not use as toilet paper.
Potty Stop Men Where men trade five years
of life for speedier peeing (at least until the
prostate acts up). Prowess is judged by a
jury of their pee-ers.
Potty Stop Women It is a mystery.
Rain Get used to it.
Rocky Road An ice cream flavor, or a route
that is hard on the feet.
Scrambles Hands in use. Watch out
for the hiker in front rolling down on top of you.
Shrinkage Happens to guys in cold streams.
Hike leaders allowed to lose up to 10% of hikers
before being penalized.
Ticks An excuse to get naked and have
someone inspect you. You could get lucky in
more ways than one.
Toenails Trim them to prevent downhill
pain. To be safe, have them surgically
Trail Note similarity in spelling to trial.
Stay on it.
Tree Identification You guessed it. They
are bigger than flowers.
Volcanic Eruption Avoid.
Walkie-Talkies Great devices for
communicating on group hikes, which perform
perfectly until you need them in an emergency.
Water Bring lots. Drink same.
Weather Will not be what you expected.
Wildlife At our age after a ten mile hike?