Rodin: a Fable
by Nathan Cromwell
being lifted off and casually tossed away
startled the man. Setting aside his tools he
regarded the towering monstrosity outsidean
upright lizard with an attenuating dorsal fin.
that famous French sculptor? it roared over
the sound of helicopters, jets, sirens, and
wondering if you could do a statue of me,
preferably in bronze. Lets say 1/10 scale?
see you emerging from stone, partially,
unfinished. That would better convey both your
primal origin and hideous majesty.
think so? Godzilla yelled over the barrage
of mortar shells exploding on the side of his
head. What kind of stone?
lovers, I often choose white marble, but for you
some dark boulder, perhaps with iron oxide seams
to represent your zippers.
sounds the ticket. Obtain a suitable rock and I
can come back for a sitting.
Godzilla yelled over the din of a cannon
repeatedly firing at his now jouncing left
testicle. Hold on. He kicked the
offending ordnance over the Notre Dame. What
did you say?
I havent set how much its going to
have money. What I can offer is not killing you.
will only make me stronger; my fame will be
assured and my artwork prices will go through the
as an artist, posteritys what I care about.
talking blather. Faced the actuality of impending
death, you may reconsider. Swatting aside
the increasingly desperate armys volley of
catapulted cows and wooden rabbits, Godzilla
breathed a plume of caustic, flaming vitriol into
the chimney next door. Pierre, engulfed in flames,
ran out screaming.
goes on? he yelled, throwing a paint roller
to the ground. I just finished renovating
and listing on the market. Now all my hard work
is down the drain. I cant flip a burning
building or smoldering ruins. Look, that couple
with the brochure is getting back into their car.
you like me to help you extinguish your flames?
the sculptor offered.
wants to live in a world where real estate
profits and property values are eviscerated by
mans atomic folly? Goodbye, world, he
yelled, raising both middle fingers at the
universe as he strolled towards the canal across
the street to drown himself.
Godzilla continued. Now that youve
seen what I can do, have you changed your mind?
and youll have to settle for some second-rate
chiseler. Im not worried.
me, called a general through a megaphone,
Id just like to say: we quit. If youd
be so kind as to be careful where you step and to
stop spraying doom from your dread mouth, wed
be awfully grateful.
you guys would stake me for the cost of this here
artwork Ive been dickering over, Ill
be sweet as pie.
When negotiating, dont
forget to include the victims.