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Gender Neutral
by Doug Hawley

It happened when I was selling refrigerators door to door. Some days I didn’t make a cent, some days I made thousands. I just got to a farmer’s house when storm clouds were gathering.  The farmer told me that there was no need for a refrigerator, but there was a need for an expensive freezer, so things were looking good. As we were talking price, heavy winds and rain started. The farmer offered me dinner and a place to stay overnight in a shed behind the house while the weather settled.

During dinner, a twenty-something, the most stunning, sexy individual I’ve ever seen joined us. All during dinner Pat kept giving a come-hither stare promising unbelievable delights. Later when I was ready to go out to the shed, the farmer told me “There is one thing that I won’t allow and that is an attempt to steal my child’s virtue. If you value your life, do not try to visit Pat tonight.”

I of course assured him that I would leave Pat alone.

As I nestled into bunk in the shed, I could see Pat’s window. Soon a naked Pat came to the window, leered at me and pantomimed various acts. Farmer or no, I had to find a way into Pat’s room.

I found a rickety old ladder and put it up against the wall. It barely made it the two stories (this is the first one – the second one will appear later) to Pat’s window. As I climbed it, some of the rungs started to crack. I doubted that it would last during a return trip, but my passion kept me climbing.

Once in the room, Pat signaled me to get into bed. Before I could do that, I heard pounding on the door. The farmer yelled “If you are in there, you are as good as dead.”

You can imagine my predicament, because it an age old situation. What is worse, the farmer or the ladder?

The author is a husband, cat co-habitator, hobby writer, ivy puller, book seller, former actuary and math teacher living in Lake Oswego Oregon, USA.