Gender Neutral
by Doug Hawley
It happened when I was
selling refrigerators door to door. Some
days I didn’t make a cent, some days I made
thousands. I just got to a farmer’s
house when storm clouds were gathering. The
farmer told me that there was no need for a
refrigerator, but there was a need for an
expensive freezer, so things were looking good. As
we were talking price, heavy winds and rain
started. The farmer offered me dinner and a
place to stay overnight in a shed behind the
house while the weather settled.
During dinner, a twenty-something,
the most stunning, sexy individual I’ve ever
seen joined us. All during dinner Pat kept
giving a come-hither stare promising unbelievable
delights. Later when I was ready to go out to the
shed, the farmer told me “There is one thing
that I won’t allow and that is an attempt to
steal my child’s virtue. If you value your
life, do not try to visit Pat tonight.”
I of course assured him
that I would leave Pat alone.
As I nestled into bunk in
the shed, I could see Pat’s window. Soon a
naked Pat came to the window, leered at me and
pantomimed various acts. Farmer or no, I had
to find a way into Pat’s room.
I found a rickety old
ladder and put it up against the wall. It
barely made it the two stories (this is the first
one – the second one will appear later) to
Pat’s window. As I climbed it, some of
the rungs started to crack. I doubted that it
would last during a return trip, but my passion
kept me climbing.
Once in the room, Pat
signaled me to get into bed. Before I could do
that, I heard pounding on the door. The
farmer yelled “If you are in there, you are
as good as dead.”
You can imagine my
predicament, because it an age old situation. What
is worse, the farmer or the ladder?
The
author is a husband, cat co-habitator, hobby
writer, ivy puller, book seller, former actuary
and math teacher living in Lake Oswego Oregon,
USA.
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