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by Doug Hawley

“Welcome everyone to the first super meeting roundtable.  Why don’t we go around the table and introduce ourselves by telling what your superpower is?  No need for names since we all have placards.  Good, I see that there is only one absentee.” 
A nondescript man in a brown suit claimed, “I can get in and out of the Department Of Motor Vehicles in fifteen minutes”.  The assembled supers emitted a collective “Ooooh” in admiration. 
The woman on his right said “Everyone falls in love with me.  It might sound like a good thing, but I’ve had to pay assistants for some of my love life because I don’t have time for all the sex myself.” 
The man in a cape on her right told her “I don’t believe it.  You’re not that hot.” 
“Then why are you drooling on me and why is your hand in my crotch?” 
“”Oops, I guess you caught my hand in the honey pot.  You win, but I’m pretty special myself.  I’m faster than a speedy sprinter.” 
A man across the table from him asked “How fast is that?” 
Caped man told him proudly “I can run the hundred meters in eight seconds.” 
Amid scattered raspberries, his interrogator dismissively responded, “So a little faster than Usain Bolt?” 
Caped man shrank into his chair. 
The next super said “I’m Hypno Woman.  I have the power to cause men to behave right.” 
Caped man said “Something just came over me.  I was about to ask her to send me nude pictures, but now I want to make a contribution to NOW.” 
The man to the right of Hypno-Woman stated, “I completed my bucket list in three minutes, and it had three hundred and two things on it.” 
The DMV man asked, “You did over three hundred things to do before you die in a few minutes?” 
“No, I collect buckets.  Some are antiques, different colors, wood, plastic and metal.” 
The other supers uttered variations on “meh”. 
The next speaker was another man with a cape.  Except for that and his underwear worn on the outside, he looked like a mild-mannered reporter.  When he started to list his powers “X-Ray vision, faster than a speeding bullet, …” the first caped man shouted him down “Old hat, boring, let’s move on.” 
To his right an attractive woman in something that looked like a bustier and shorts said “I was a virgin birth on an island of all women.  At least that’s what my mother told me, but there were rumors of sailors visiting our island.  Plus, I can do the bondage of truth and I’ve got an invisible plane, unfortunately with an invisible bathroom.” 
Two or three people fall out of their chairs, and many screamed when a thunderous voice came from the vacant chair “I can turn invisible.”  After thar declaration, a small meek appearing man coalesced in the chair that had appeared empty. 
Irresistible woman wondered “Do you sneak into locker rooms?” 
“No!  Do you think I’m some kind of pervert?  I take, some would say steal, money from banks and give some of it to the poor.” 
Irresistible woman persisted “Does that make you some kind of hero?  How much do you give to the poor?” 
“About ten percent.  The rest I spend at strip clubs and on hookers.” 
X-Ray vision man added “I’ve looked into a number of locker rooms, and I’d advise against it.  There is so much I’d like to unsee.” 
The penultimate speaker spoke in a blunt, deep voice “I put on a tight-fitting bullet-proof suit made to look like a flying rodent and fight a never ending battle.” 
Caped man asked “Are you winning the battle for justice/” 
“Fight for justice?  I never thought of that.  I could try that now that I’ve beaten mimes.” 
“I convened this meeting and all of you have had your turn, so I’ll finish up.  My power is the ability to get many people together on short notice with a hundred percent attendance.” 
DMV man spoke for the admiring group when he said, “Now that’s a superpower we’d all like to have.”