by Doug Hawley
everyone to the first super meeting roundtable. Why
dont we go around the table and introduce
ourselves by telling what your superpower is? No
need for names since we all have placards. Good,
I see that there is only one absentee.
A nondescript man in a brown suit claimed, I
can get in and out of the Department Of Motor
Vehicles in fifteen minutes. The
assembled supers emitted a collective Ooooh
The woman on his right said Everyone falls
in love with me. It might sound like a
good thing, but Ive had to pay assistants
for some of my love life because I dont
have time for all the sex myself.
The man in a cape on her right told her I
dont believe it. Youre not
Then why are you drooling on me and why is
your hand in my crotch?
Oops, I guess you caught my hand in
the honey pot. You win, but Im
pretty special myself. Im faster
than a speedy sprinter.
A man across the table from him asked How
fast is that?
Caped man told him proudly I can run the
hundred meters in eight seconds.
Amid scattered raspberries, his interrogator
dismissively responded, So a little faster
than Usain Bolt?
Caped man shrank into his chair.
The next super said Im Hypno Woman. I
have the power to cause men to behave right.
Caped man said Something just came over me. I
was about to ask her to send me nude pictures,
but now I want to make a contribution to NOW.
The man to the right of Hypno-Woman stated,
I completed my bucket list in three minutes,
and it had three hundred and two things on it.
The DMV man asked, You did over three
hundred things to do before you die in a few
No, I collect buckets. Some are
antiques, different colors, wood, plastic and
The other supers uttered variations on meh.
The next speaker was another man with a cape. Except
for that and his underwear worn on the outside,
he looked like a mild-mannered reporter. When
he started to list his powers X-Ray vision,
faster than a speeding bullet,
first caped man shouted him down Old hat,
boring, lets move on.
To his right an attractive woman in something
that looked like a bustier and shorts said I
was a virgin birth on an island of all women. At
least thats what my mother told me, but
there were rumors of sailors visiting our island. Plus,
I can do the bondage of truth and Ive got
an invisible plane, unfortunately with an
Two or three people fall out of their chairs, and
many screamed when a thunderous voice came from
the vacant chair I can turn invisible. After
thar declaration, a small meek appearing man
coalesced in the chair that had appeared empty.
Irresistible woman wondered Do you sneak
into locker rooms?
No! Do you think Im some
kind of pervert? I take, some would
say steal, money from banks and give some of it
to the poor.
Irresistible woman persisted Does that make
you some kind of hero? How much do you
give to the poor?
About ten percent. The rest I
spend at strip clubs and on hookers.
X-Ray vision man added Ive looked
into a number of locker rooms, and Id
advise against it. There is so much Id
like to unsee.
The penultimate speaker spoke in a blunt, deep
voice I put on a tight-fitting bullet-proof
suit made to look like a flying rodent and fight
a never ending battle.
Caped man asked Are you winning the battle
Fight for justice? I never
thought of that. I could try that now
that Ive beaten mimes.
I convened this meeting and all of you have
had your turn, so Ill finish up. My
power is the ability to get many people together
on short notice with a hundred percent attendance.
DMV man spoke for the admiring group when he said,
Now thats a superpower wed all
like to have.