Ducks and Dudes
– Prose (sic) and Cons
by Doug Hawley
Frequently
while watching water fowl, I wonder if they have
it better. Because people don’t talk duck (I
do bad imitations) and ducks don’t speak
people, they are no magpies after all, my
research is inadequate, but I’ll do the best
that I can.
Obviously
ducks have it all over people in several ways. We
cannot fly without artificial apparatus. If we
want to get anywhere fast, we require vehicles,
whereas ducks just take to the skies. I envy them
dumping and whizzing wherever they want. We must
grow or buy food. Ducks have readily
available grass, algae, fish or amphibians. They
don’t need to save for college, join the
army, get a job or go to jail.
In some areas
we are more on equal ground. Ducks can get
botulism, cholera or plague. Ducklings may be
eaten by fish – notice the symmetry –
or raptors. Humans are a big hazard for ducks; we
eat the wild ones and the domesticated. Humans
are rarely killed by ducks, but we can get a lot
of diseases that affect ducks and a lot of our
own diseases. Humans do a lot of things that lead
to their demise – driving drunk, smoking,
drinking, stds, and war. I believe that
ducks are never as smart as people at our best or
as stupid as our worst. There has never been a
duck Einstein or Hitler. Ducks can be monogamous,
but maybe only for a year at a time. In duck
years, that’s about like people.
Humans
definitely come out ahead on longevity. Ten years
is a long life for a duck. Ducks rarely get to
sample our tasty cuisine – quarter pounders,
Black Butte Porter, licorice twizzlers,
Terminator Stout, waffles, wheat thins or peanut
butter.
What is the
final score? I’m going out a limb,
make a controversial decision, and call it a tie.
Short Bio:
Little Old
Man Doug's story smart car will appear in a fifth
place - The first Fiction On The Web paper
anthology, following FOTW online, Nugget Tales, a
compilation in Corner Bar and an unauthorized
Russian translation.
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