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David Norris Discredited: Ungracious RTE Runner-Up Speech
by Wallace Runnymede

Few were surprised when, in a recent RTE poll, Michael Collins was voted best ever Fine Gael member.
Indeed, it appears that many Irish people consider Collins a great man. Perhaps even better than such leading lights of the party as, say, the achingly charismatic and talented Enda Kenny!
However, David Norris is just baffled at the way the voting has gone:

 
Frankly, I feel very much under-appreciated.
I mean, we all know that this horrible, violent hooligan…
Sorry, I mean, our brave and loyal Irish Patriot Michael Collins, achieved a lot, I mean, by the, if you will, the very narrow and meagre standards of his time. However, I do believe that in this day and age, we should really be putting things into perspective, by now.
No, I just don't think the Fine Gael of 1916 and the Easter Rising is the Fine Gael that we and the People of Ireland want to be associated with.
After all, it's not hard to see that Fine Gael is a very different party now, and we have really progressed a great deal since the days those vicious, despicable terrorists…
Now do excuse me, I mean the brave and loyal Irish Patriots…
Were smashing up post offices…
Sorry, no, I mean…
Were wreaking havoc and chaos in such a terrible, terrible, senselessly wicked and unconstructive manner…
Um, please excuse me, no not that, I mean I obviously meant since the time they were beating and shooting countless innocent…
No, that's certainly, not it, either…
Well, I suppose you get the picture, near enough.

Aye... well, near enough, David! :P
 

Also published at the Spoof: http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/world/122554/david-norris-disappointed-at-not-coming-first-in-greatest-ever-fine-gael-member-poll