Cell
by Doug Hawley
It seems like
I’d been caged forever, but I’m sure
that it was only a few days. I suppose
that I might consider my imprisonment my fault,
but I blame my family. They gave me a
horrible example of how to live and I ended up
just like them. But I must not dwell
on that, I must think only of my present
situation and how to escape my captivity.
The guards
feed me a few vegetables, bread, and water a day. I
get nothing but verbal abuse from them “You
deserve your treatment” and worse. I’m
starving; I don’t know how long I can
survive. If that weren’t bad
enough, I’m forced to endure torture three
hours a day. There is nowhere to sit,
just a thin mattress on the floor.
Finally, I’m
eligible for release. I’ve lost
the twenty-five pounds that I signed up for. Sure,
I could have stayed at the Hilton for less, but I’m
sure I would have dined on steak and had four or
five drinks a night and ended up gaining weight. With
the Guaranteed Weight Loss Plan, I can finally
get into last year’s pants.
I’ve got
to admit that the exercise machines were first
rate, even though they were killing me.
Appeared
in Yellow Mama and the defunct Nugget Tales
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