by Doug Hawley
18 Why do people keep asking me
about my brothers job as president. OK, he
may have made a few mistakes. Of course only an
idiot would have wanted to invade Iraq, but dont
they expect me to have a little family loyalty?
I cant just come out and say that.
19 My hair was the number three
topic on Twitter today. What to do?
Some of the pix show a wild hair. Note to
self more and stronger hairspray. Think
of something to make my hair number one on
Twitter. Good thing that Im the master
of media more twits than the other
20 More crap about me being an
elitist. Doesnt my aide put my pants
on one leg at a time like everyone else?
21 Blowback about my support of
the Iraq invasion. Doesnt the public
know that it was popular to be against Iraq at
the time? OK, so none of the terrorists had
any connection to Iraq. OK, so there were no
weapons of mass destruction. OK, so even if
there had been weapons of mass destruction they
would have been used against Iran. OK, so Saddam
was our good buddy before he wasnt our
buddy. OK, so we had Saddam penned in by the
no fly zones. Saddam was a bad guy and we
wanted his oil, thats reason enough to
spend trillions, kill thousands and destroy a
22 Still more blowback on my
previous Iraq position. That clown Duke
Hanley says Any sentient being would have
known attacking Iraq was a bad idea. then
goes on to attack me personally.
23 Now Im called a flipper
because I support stringent gun control. I always
supported more gun control, but there hadnt
been enough mass murders for me to justify my
position. Plus, my state likes guns. Why
isnt the public blamed for being flippers?
They used to like guns, now most dont.
24 Finally some good news. My
opposition to same sex marriage is getting me
surging support amongst religious freakos. Better
not get married again before the convention, but
I really like young, beautiful Eastern Europeans.
25 My support of a $25 minimum
wage isnt getting me enough support. Got
to think of something new. Some in the press
even criticize my generosity with other peoples
26 I am a genius! My promise
to cap wages at $50 an hour is playing very well
with that huge segment of the public that wants
to screw the successful.
27 One step forward and one step
back. My foundation meets every letter of the law.
So some of the recipients of its grants are among
my supporters. Nothing to see here but petty
28 More press about all the money
Im making for speeches and books. Must
do the middle class thing. Maybe somebody can
29 Issue of the day is calling me
a carpet bagger. Why in hell would I want to
be a Senator from Arkansas or one of those other
states that dont count? Anyway, we
bought the house in the state where I became
Senator a few weeks before the election and had
been there twice.
30 Why is being a part of a
dynasty a bad thing? People didnt get
sick of the Kennedys, and if ever there was a
dysfunctional, degenerate bunch, that was it.
31 More genius. Family friendly
pix flooding the media with me and all the exes
and kids handing out treats on Halloween.