Archbishop
Blasphemes Name of Tangle Fairy: Roadies Enraged
by Wallace
Runnymede
Distraught and
tear-stricken roadies have never doubted the
existence of the wicked imp that tangles
perfectly-laid guitar and sound cables when rock
bands are touring. It's always a disappointment
to find your immaculately-placed equipment all
messed-up and untidy.
Yet, the
Oxbridge Centre for the Promotion of Reason,
Progress and Scientific Evidential Enquiry has
finally proved conclusively that the tangle fairy
does not exist.
Yes:
apparently, the existence of a tangle fairy is
implausible in terms of the known laws of biology,
physics and psychology of mass delusion.
Indeed: no
photographs or videos of a tangle fairy have
emerged, so we're on shaky empirical ground here.
In addition,
the whole idea of a tangle fairy is not merely
unverifiable, but entirely unfalsifiable, and
hence utterly irrelevant to any serious
scientific discussion.
But roadies
are outraged:
"We all
know who this creature is. You put the cables in
nice and neat, and when you finally arrive at the
gig, they are all tangled...
"I mean,
I hate these poncey scientists talking above us,
from their ivory towers and shoddy laboratories.
How can they talk down to us like this. I've
never met a single roadie who hasn't been harmed
by this wicked supernatural being."
However,
Archbishop Welby is less disparaging:
"The
Church of England does not currently have a
stance on the existence of the tangle fairy...
"And as
we are a broad church, with a plurality of
opinions on matters not fully essential to
salvation, I can only reiterate that we should
not let ourselves become divided over matters
which are really not fundamental questions in our
faith.
"So, let's
focus on the core issues, first and foremost."
But some of
the more fastidious members of the Archbishop's
flock are not impressed.
Indeed, one
traditional diehard Episcopalian warned:
"Typical
fuzzy-wuzzy equivocation from the man on the top.
I mean, if we give our enemies an inch, they'll
take a mile. I'm wanting to hear some really
strong leadership on this issue…
"You know,
secular humanists/atheists/Darwinists may think
that there isn't a tangle fairy, but I once saw
him with my own eyes when we were having a beer
or two and a cheeky smoke, whilst preparing for a
Graham Kendrick tribute medley in the Greater
Birmingham Post-Denominational Megachurch
Congregation Centre.
"I mean,
if we can't even agree on these so-called minor
issues, what chance will there ever possibly be
for us to agree on the fundamentals of the
historic Christian faith?"
Edited
version of original on: http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/uk/122393/pretentious-scientists-deny-existence-of-tangle-fairy-roadies-outraged-archbishop-conciliatory
|
