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A Few Gallons of Prevention
by Paul Handley

Cold experts have warned us that we continuously reinfecting ourselves. I have put into a place a strategy to stop the cold cycle. I’ve only had a cold for about three weeks, but it feels like triple that time. 

Oral hygiene products are where the most obvious danger lurks. I buy a crate of airplane bottle mouthwash and toothbrushes. Initially I would get a pour from a standard sized bottle of mouthwash into a clean glass. I started running downstairs from my second floor bathroom to get a clean glass every time I needed a cleaning swig. It was too much for me, especially with my illness. Airplane bottles were the answer, but they were still too big for one serving of swish. At first I would take a swallow and pour the rest into a glass for later on. Unfortunately, the breath purifier would be knocking up against my ring of mouth germs lining the top of the bottle and become tainted. I learned and started pouring the first half into a shot glass.

All those airplane bottles were becoming inconvenient and I had half-filled shot glasses of mouthwash everywhere. So I started running downstairs from my second floor bathroom to get a clean shot glass every time. Although, this was a pain in the ass, I finally was able to use my entire shot glass collection that hardly ever gets more than 3 or 4 used at a time, which was satisfying. To solve my problem of multiple trips I started to carry them up on a serving tray.

To try and conserve my crate of toothbrushes I started placing them in the dishwasher. I had to do them separately because it was grossing out my wife. So, it was tough to get access unless I was the one who emptied the dishwasher and got right on it. In a pinch I would heat up a kettle of water that I use to make the thirty cups of tea I drink a day and pour the steam over my collection of toothbrushes. I don’t care what anyone says, the caffeine in tea has the power of a mouse squeaking next to a power lawn mower. Anyway, the dishwasher and the kettle water were wilting my bristles and melting down the brush handles, so these methods were only good for a couple of cycles. Got to go. I have to wrestle the surgeon mask back on my 5 year old daughter.