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You See Why I Couldn’t Stand Her and Puked My Guts Out Or, Who Needs Excessive Introspection
by George Sparling

Dearest (?) Ben,

Types of Environment. Our interactions have occurred in and states (mental/physical) as well (fatigue, intoxication, anger) short spurts and/or incomplete conversations).

Openness seemingly decreased significantly and you said you are open to as many convos and yet I have felt as though at times granted timing has been poor (understated): It’s felt like pulling teeth to get you to discuss “us” or answer some questions/address concerns.

Fear: That, even though I arrived to find you believing/feeling otherwise, after my processing doubt/anger and the haphazard manner in which all this has been addressed/attempted to be worked out that you are still emotionally tapped out. That typical emotional convos processing are going to or already are triggering your learned shut-down button and you don’t truly have the emotional energy and looking at this/me anew enough to do this.

Doubt/anger/hurt aside, relationships take copious amounts of energy, communication, and the willingness to do it, w/giving the benefit of the doubt and willingness to compromise/seek positive/creative solutions to issues. Address the other’s concerns with love/patience as well as have the courage and compassion to share your own/them.

I am afraid that intense love and gratitude/appreciation for me/us is gone and that’s the last thing I want. We never took the time, and now we have committed titles for one another w/out having had a well-rested, calm check in again after the chaotic Sunday convos.

I feel unsettled because of that/these fears and would like to feel safe enough to talk to you about them lovingly w//out you judging me for being ridiculous and blowing things out of proportion (making things a big deal).

I am sorry your last relationship consisted of numerous exhausting, emotionally charged conversations that left you drained, confused and unsatisfied. But I also don’t think it’s fair that I now feel hesitant to approach you with wanting/needing to discuss things that you previously stated you understood needed to happen and are open/willing to have them, because I somehow get put into the same ridiculous/exhausting box. And you may not be aware that you do it but you do.

This isn’t a new observation and it’s still very much a valid concern and what prompted me to question so many things that you said you want to do, and that I know working this out will require.

I don’t think we can w/out both feeling as though we are safe enough w/out the other and they are open enough to hear us out.

I heard your concerns regarding my communication/reactions to you when you are trying to share/open up.

I want to work on shifting that behavior so you can feel safer talking to me as well as truly feeling heard.

Love (?),